Hello to anyone who reads this, plus im new to here, so hello! Ok where to start, well for start I should say that I am asexual, very asexual, I mean I dont have any romantic feelings towards anyone of both genders, until recently. Not so long ago I started to have feelings of I was in love with someone and I soon found out I loved this girl who was extremly cute and her personalty is amazing, which made me love her more and more, but I still didnt really care if I loved her tho. But there is something really strange with me, I like porn, I masturbate alot to it, including gay porn, and thats what leads me to this, about a couple years back one of my friends came out about being gay and what shocked me was he loved me. Yes me. But as usal I didnt care, but I rejected him nicely which he accepted, that still didnt stop him from giving me bloe jobs evry so often, but I didnt have any feelings towards anyone. A year ago I have emotionless sex with this girl, but still I felt nothing for the girl. But just recently I have been having some feelings towards me as well as woman, but this is freaking me out so much, because I dont want a relationship, neither do I want to be gay, but still I get blow jobs from another male. Plus I think it might have to do something with my anxiety because I'm viewing this as something bad. And for last I dont want people saying its ok to be gay, but for me it freaks me out, I only see the blow jobs as a friendship thing, nothing more. This is just confusing me to hell, becasue I dont think of having a male in a relationship, but I am thinking of starting a relationship with a female, I have nothing against gays it just I dont want to be gay. Gah this is making me mad and my anxiety worse :bang:
I know you probably don't want to hear this but you're never going to find out if you don't keep an open mind on the situation. Did you enjoy men giving you blow jobs? Did it turn you on or no? You say you are asexual but masturbate to porn which confuses me. Even asexuals can experience sexual attraction but its low. Does watching gay porn turn you on? Do you find any attraction to women? These are the questions you need to ask yourself to fully figure things out. Also, don't forget to relax. You will never figure things out if you are so caught up on not being gay. Good luck figuring things out.
