Bisexuals- how long before that little doubting voice in your head went away?

Six years. That's about the period I estimate from officially coming out publicly (16) to 22, when I finally learned to enjoy my sexuality.

~ Adrienne

 

Although I'm bi/pansexual, I've never had that 'voice' about sexuality, specifically... but I hear that same kind of "what if [insert unwanted thing]?" all the time about other aspects of my life. Maybe it's different for sexuality, but you might want to consider the possibility that you ask yourself "what if I'm gay" because it's something you're afraid of or otherwise don't want to feel. Sometimes the brain can act like its own torture device, focusing on things like pain or loss specifically because they're unpleasant, and we get drawn into these cycles of self-doubt... but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it can be valuable to rule out possibilities, especially nagging ones, by wondering about them and considering them from all sides before finally being able to say "no, that's simply not true," and then feeling all the more secure in what is true.

Since it sounds like you really value your relationships with and attraction to women, it's not out of the question that you would be upset by the possibility of losing that. Maybe, if this is the case, you can take comfort in recognizing what your own brain is trying to do when you feel doubt (i.e. proving over and over that you are attracted to women by testing yourself) and it won't feel so annoying anymore.

 

I don't recall a little doubting voice. Has it ever said anything useful? If not, I'd suggest simply ignoring it. It does not sound like a friend.

 

I'm bicurious and i have that voice in my head for usually a couple of weeks and then it's gone for several months.

 

I get that little voice in my head too. And what it says to me varies from "what if I'm just gay?" to "What if my attraction to women in just a phase?" It's hard to ignore it but, for now, I try to just go with the flow. If I'm attracted to a man, great. If I'm attracted to a woman, great. I try not to over analyze.

 

1 year of intense rumination, from the time I started internally thinking of myself as bisexual and started coming out to people.

The demon of doubt was with me well before that point of course--it kept me from considring that I was bisexual for my whole teenage years. But I've been free of its influence for four years completely, and my life has been vastly better in that time than it was before.

---------- Post added 28th May 2015 at 04:17 PM ----------

Just remind yourself that the feelings you've had were real at the time. Even if they come and go, even if it seems uncertain if you could have them again... they were real. So they could always happen again. And based on my personal experience, they always will.

What you're going though is completely normal and typical, and I'm sorry that there aren't great resources out there to help you through it. But you've got us! I'm happy to answer any questions really.

 

I've had the little voice in my head for a few years now. I keep going back and forth between being confident in my bisexuality and being afraid that I'm just going through a phase. I'm constantly doubting myself because I thought I was straight for most of my life. I don't know why it took so long for the little voice to speak up.

 

Exactly what i experience at the moment! I also (wanted to think haha) thought that I was straight too all my life until I deeply fell in love with my best friend like a year ago. It still hasn't stopped unfortunately but it slowly gets better... Worst heartbreak I had so far though because she's straight....but at least she supports me in that situation.

When I'm not with her I'm always like 'hm actually I can't see myself growing old with a woman or just being a "real" (you probably know what I mean, I don't want to say that homosexual couples aren't real couples :$) couple in public and all that, but when we are laying next to each other and are cuddling (we are pretty close) or just sharing a moment I know that that's all that I want...that's when I know that I am definitely into women. At this point another voice starts to get louder though:'D I question if I'm maybe just a lesbian because I've never felt these deep feelings for a guy, not even my ex boyfriend...
But that was a rather childish relationship anyway so guess that's why.
Pretty complicated haha

Guess ill just have to test it out and get more experience...

 

I came out as gay, but now that I'm in a relationship with a guy, I've realized that my attractons to women haven't gone away; they're still there.

Then I realized holy balls I'm not gay im bisexual.

 

^ Me too. Minus the relationship part though. I still feel like a lesbian but then every once in a while, I'm reminded that I'm not. It still kind of bothers me but I'm getting better. Still not comfortable using the B word yet.

 

I thought I was straight until I was 15, that's when I started looking at girls in a different way (or realized I looked at girls in a different way) and I was confused as to whether I was bisexual or just gay for about 2 months. Now I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, or at least I'm sure that's the label I'm most comfortable with.

 

I don't think I ever had it, save for those periods in my life where I was just struggling in general and as a result didn't feel much attraction to anyone. I'd go through months of depression or just be around people I didn't like very much, and sometimes I'd wonder if my lack of real connection and attraction to others was because I was dating the wrong gender for me.