Hi, I am just out of school and basically extremely confused about my sexuality. I have had various girlfriends over the past few years, one of whom I can honestly say that I loved. I have also, however had a few crushes (2 mainly) on some of my guy friends, but I have pushed these aside and moved one because these guys were not part of my friend circle and it was easy to distance myself from them. I have also had a 'jerk-off buddy' but this stopped at about 14 when things began to get weird. When I started uni I met a new circle of friends. We are a small group and spend all our time together, probably more out of necessity than anything else because we are at school more than we aren't and don't really see other people. One of these guys, I would do anything for. I haven't known him for a long time, but I miss him when we aren't together, I get excited when he talks to me on whatsapp, I forget about anything bad in my life when I am with him and I get depressed when I think that we may never be together. I know its drastic, but I could love him - I have never felt this way about anyone before, including the girlfriend I 'loved'. We go out and dance all night and have tones of fun - relatively more than when I am with other people. He makes me laugh, I make him laugh, we have the same interests, and the same attitude towards life. And I find him ridiculously attractive. I feel like he also laughs when I am around and enjoys my company etc. He has become a better friend of mine than of the others we are friends with. BUT he is straight. He doesn't hook up with girls when we go out, he has never had a girlfriend and he has some feminine attributes, which gives me some hope he could be gay? but he isn't out yet - and neither am I!! For years I have been terrified that I might be gay, then I told a few people and it just felt wrong. I didn't feel gay. I looked at guys and tried to find them attractive but didn't - it was just him (my friend) I think of spending the rest of my life with a guy and don't like the idea, but if it was him - I would jump at that immediately. basically, I think I am gay, but don't want to come out because of how final it is and how unsure I am (please help with this) secondly, what do I do about this guy. I can't distance myself from him, because then I lose my friends. I can't tell him because this also involves the risk of losing him as a friend, or should I tell him and risk this anyway? I am torn, anxious and get super depressed when I think about how I might never be able to be with this guy. please help, thanks
Being gay or even bisexual is nothing to be scared about. If you have been questioning your sexuality then it does not definitely mean that you are gay. It just means that you are aware that you have feeling for someone of the same sex as well as the opposite. In my personal opinion it sounds as if you are bi but you lean towards girls. The best thing to do is to sit down a seriously think that if you have such strong feelings towards a man and you know what those feelings are then there is the possibility that you are bisexual. But it is your identity so you need to make sure that you are comfortable with yourself. Secondly, him. There is not much that anyone can really say. On the one hand if he is gay and he just hasn't come out then you will just have to wait as his friend. Telling people you like them can have varying results and the whole "But we are both guys and he might not be gay" makes things a whole lot more difficult. You can't force yourself out the closet as much as you can't force him out, just because you fancy him. If that were the case I would not be single right now...trust me :lol: I do understand what it is like wondering if your crush is gay and likes you back but you need to make another decision and that one I can help you narrow down to a single question: Do you really want to take the risk of losing him as a friend? Its a hard choice to make but I can guarantee that once you read that question you thought "No" Don't tell him that you like him, just simply ask if he is gay one day. Just bring it up in a conversation somehow. Then based on his response tell him you like him or don't. People are very complicated creatures and we all are confusing as fuck but here is the main thing. You need to remember that no matter how brilliant of a person that guy may be...you are complete without him. He is just an extra bit that you want. You're the ice cream and he is the chocolate chips Message me if things get too complicated and I will try my best to simplify them.
Hi seaguy, It is hard knowing what you are especialley if you have crushes on friends and stuff Perhaps you could be bisexual or a demisexual or you could try taking the Kinsey Scale Test Kinsey Scale Test However labels do't matter, you are who you are so I wouldn't worry about coming out if you are not ready or decided. With the friend, I would leave confronting him about your feelins until you know who you are. It is hard, I've gone through it myself but you don't want to confuse him when you are confused yourself Hope its helped Nat
If you want to have a relationship with him, it's likely that you will need to tell him you like guys. You don't have to come out specifically as gay or bi, but it's hard to see him coming out right now if you don't. Once you do, he might feel comfortable to put a "me too" out there. If not, he can ruminate for a while and then he might tell you later. You risk ruining the relationship by coming out, but that's the case no matter what you choose to do.
I fell in love with my best friend. I held it in. Thats a mistake. Secrets kill friendships 100% of the time. It picks at you slowly and it tends tk affect things with you and your buddy. I suggest msybe coming out as queer, or questioning and leave it at that until youre sure. As far as those feelings, I suggest telling him as soon as you can. Dont put it off too much. Most guys will be flattered, if theyre straight they usually just say thry dont reciprocate those feelings. If hes an asshole about it, is he really your best friend?
