So, basically... I'm not attracted to guys at all in any way, but I just keep clinging on to "It's just because you haven't met the right guy." When I get a crush on a girl? I tell myself "That's normal for a straight girl, it's just a girl crush, happens to everyone, maybe you're just a bit bicurious." I then don't allow myself to do anything about my feelings, as I just tell myself "It's a phase. You're straight, why would you want to pursue a relationship with a girl?" When I get turned on by a girl or fantasize about one? "ALL straight girls do that, nothing special here. The male body is obviously ugly, so of course even straight girls are turned on by women. Stop being such a special snowflake and thinking you're a lesbian." I've even made up this theory that states that no straight girls are attracted to guys whatsoever unless they get a crush on a guy, and a crush only happens when he's the 'right guy'. And some girls just have more 'right guys' than others, and I just haven't found any 'right guys' yet because they're rare for me because I'm too picky. And now I'm just horribly stressed out, switching between calling myself a special snowflake and thinking I might actually be a lesbian. I don't know which is correct. I don't know, thoughts? Are my theories correct in that most straight girls are attracted to other women? Am I being a special snowflake for thinking this completely normal straight girl behavior, paired with the fact that I just haven't found any right guys, makes me a lesbian?
The idea of only feeling romantic or sexual attraction to the 'right' person, regardless of gender, can be a legitimate orientation for some that falls into the asexual-type spectrum-- the most popular term, I think, is 'sapiosexual,' meaning a sexual attraction based specifically on the personality in question. However, while it's not outside the realm of possibility that you might eventually meet a male or masculine-type individual you find attractive, it sounds like your post indicates that you already feel attraction towards female or feminine individuals, regardless of whether they are 'right' for you. It therefore seems unlikely that your sexuality is based on this idea of the 'sapiosexual,' or not feeling sexual attraction unless some other form of emotional/mental connection is made first. The theory that straight girls only experience sexual attraction based on an existing emotional connection is rather antiquated and a bit degrading, don't you think? It harkens back to those sexist ideas that lust is an inherently male phenomenon and should not be embraced in women. I think it's unreasonable to suggest that any woman, regardless of her sexual orientation, is somehow incapable of feeling an attraction that is explicitly sexual in nature. Sometimes all it takes is the 'right' physical feature to arouse a feminine person. The real question here, it seems, is: why do you stop yourself from exploring your feelings for women? If it is indeed 'just a phase,' wouldn't it be more beneficial to 'get it out of your system' than continually repress these desires? I'm not saying that's the case, just wondering about your thought process in more detail.
I have been having the exact same feelings! I feel like i am not attracted to guys in a sexual way at all, and i have been bottling up my feelings for females for so long! I am not even sure how i can explore this side of me, i want to try meet some girls and see if its real or just something ive been thinking! It's all so confusing! But i guess everyone goes through this at some stage, im 20 turning 21 and i am only now partly accepting that i may not be physically attracted to guys
As a bi-married man I can offer you these insights 1. It took me several sexual experiences with other guys to get comfortable. Eventually the sparks during sex told me that I prefer guys over gals. 2. In hindsight I remember thinking that certain guys were cute as early as 6th grade. Not so much for the girls. If you feel that guys are ugly and gals are beautiful, I'm with Synthetik that you owe it to yourself to experiment and find out. I can tell you first hand that it gets a lot harder to do this in midlife.
You sound a little crazy, bud. Can you please step away from the swarming beehive that is your mind for a moment? Start fresh, just for a minute here. Let's think about this logically. You can't make a statement that holds true for all of one type of gender, person, or identity. It's impossible. Not everyone is the same, nor is everyone completely unique. There is no such thing as "all straight girls fantasize about other women" or "all straight girls are only attracted to the right guys." There is no ALL. And you KNOW that already. So now that we've left behind that idea of a straight girl mold by which all identifying-straight girls must adhere to, you're actually left with limited information. "I like this girl" and "I don't like this boy" aren't going to help you much. You need more data points in order to see your graph clearly. Right now you've just got a few scattered dots, most of which were put there by external influence. You need to go out and collect more data. I actually wondered a lot of the same things you did. I began to really hate the phrase "you just haven't found the right guy/girl yet." It's unhelpful. It's defeatist. And it's too white-and-black thinking for my tastes, much like your "all" theories. I haven't figured everything out, but I have basically given up trying to find the perfect label for myself. I decided to stop thinking "I need to find the right woman" or "I need to find the right man" and instead realized that all I really wanted to find was a certain type of person. Once I took gender out of the equation, I started to realize a lot of features I admired and felt attracted to just happened to belong to primarily the female gender. Maybe you'll find the same. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll chose to identify as lesbian for a while, then you'll suddenly come across a man who strikes your interest. Cool. Whatever. I'm of the firm belief that identity is not concrete and is instead a transient thing, for SOME people. Yes, many women are strictly into men, and many are strictly into women. But are you one of them? I don't know. You gotta get more data points to find out. In summary: Finding your name tag ain't going to mean shit if there's no one around you to see it.
