I don't really know much about being asexual, or how asexual people feel, so If anyone could mention what its like to be asexual, and maybe consider what my experience is and give comparisons or advice? I have been identifying as bi for a while now, but I have some doubts. I know that I find both men and women attractive, and could see myself in a relationship with either, but I don't know if I am actually attracted in a sexual mate way or just a its nice to look at beautiful things kind of way. I like the way peoples faces and hair look, and I think boobs are nice, and so is a sculpted male chest, and I know this one girl with killer attractive calves. But I have realized that I find all genitals a little disgusting, and I don't care for them at all. So, I oftentimes get horny and think about sex, and fantasize and all that, I think that I would like it. But if I ever actually think about me having sex in a real type situation, I feel a little apathetic and a little uncomfortable. I have kissed people before, no making out, but kissing just seemed weird and I didn't really enjoy it, and it kinda bothered me a little. During this time I felt that I would much rather just watch a movie and cuddle or something. When he kissed my neck it was nice, but I don't know if it was nice is a sexual way, or just nice in general, but also, I didn't care for it that much, like I would have been fine and happy to stop and do something else. Sex scenes on tv are always uncomfortable and disgusting, and whenever anybody mentions having sex, all I can think is that it seems gross. Pretty much everything about sex in a real sense is disgusting, but in the abstract, it seems somewhat appealing. Is this something similar to what some asexual people have experienced? Or is it normal to feel this way before you actually have sex, asexual or not? Do other people feel this way? Thanks
If you feel attraction, you're not asexual. The term, properly used, refers to a biologically hardwired sexual orientation where the person has absolutely no attraction to men or women. Because the trait is hardwired, it does not change over time, and people who are asexual do not experience attraction. Under this proper, accepted defintion, a very tiny portion of the population (substantially less than 1%) are actually asexual. Unfortunately, a group of people have completely hijacked the word and it is widely confused with people who have reduced or absent sexual attraction or low sex drive secondary to some other circumstance. These people aren't asexual, at least according to the accepted definition. There are many, many things that can reduce or eliminate sex drive, including depression, anxiety, and aggressive disorders; various drugs and medications; family-of-origin issues; and various other factors. Here's the difference: All of the above are non-biological in origin, non-permanent, are not hardwired, and the issues can be resolved, after which, normal, healthy sexual attraction will return. The above conditions are also, in the aggregate, quite common, so there are a lot of people with depressed or absent sexual attraction who aren't actually asexual, just experiencing reduced sex drive due to the co-occurring circumstances or conditions. So it makes a whole lot more sense to assume that one's lack of sexual attraction is not hardwired and unchangeable, and invest some time into exploring the more likely possibilities. For one thing, the co-occurring disorders are, themselves, pretty unpleasant and negatively affect quality of life. So solving those issues will help the person, ultimately, live a much richer life. Now... if the person genuinely is asexual, then, of course, nothing is going to change that. It's just that there are very, very few people that are actually asexual according to the widely-accepted definition.
