There are some days when I feel 100% sure of being a lesbian, while there are other days when I get confused and I start questioning myself again, and this is what's preventing me from coming out to anyone. I feel I can't come out until I'm entirely positive of what I am, but I don't know how to be. Sometimes I feel I have to fall for a girl in order to be sure that I'm gay, but then I think that straight people don't need that to know they're straight, so why should I? And sometimes I try to see if I'm attracted to every girl I see, which doesn't make sense because straight people are not attracted to everyone they meet, and they don't question their sexuality just because they don't like anyone at the moment. I don't know, sometimes I feel stupid for questioning myself so much, but there are times when I'm just unsure about everything. How can I be sure that I'm a lesbian?
I felt a lot like you when I was questioning my sexuality so don't worry you are not alone. Perhaps you could come out as not straight or questioning? When I was in your position one of my biggest fears was that I would come out as gay and then fall in love with a guy, needless to say it didn't happen but also I just decided so what if I did. Sure people would comment on it for a bit but then it would just be forgotten anyway.
It makes sense to question it. I go through the same thing sometimes, having thought I was straight (and no more than bi) for 21 years of my life. I seriously questioned it for months before my 2 year relationship ended and I know I'm gay. I feel it's hard to get over having had been "straight" for so long. Society raises us a certain way and no matter how sure we seem of ourselves, change is not something so easily accepted. All I've found is that I can take it day by day and try to love and not second guess myself. When I walk around work and I notice guys and women, I'm quickly able to figure out whether I think they're actually attractive to me and what part I think is attractive, whether it's physical or emotional. I've also found that I know what I like in guys more easily than in women. Sometimes, I feel like I'm defaulting back into being straight, even though I'm not. It's a normal thing to go through when it's still new to you. I always go back to the moments or situations that told me I'm gay. When it comes down to it, don't fret. Our brains are odd and never make themselves up. Best of luck to us both
If you consider yourself a lesbian. If you realize later on that maybe that's not the case, that's fine too. Sexuality can be pretty fluid depending on who you are and that's okay. You don't have to completely sure of who you are before you come out, it's okay to say that you're questioning if you are.
I labeled myself as bi for a good few years until I was sure of my lesbianism. There's no issue in doing the same or if you feel like you're a lesbian already go ahead and call yourself one, you can change your label at any time. It's something you use to describe yourself, not a criteria you need to fill or something anyone save yourself decides. ^-^
It's just that I feel that, when I come out, people won't believe me and they will think it's just a phase, because I'm very feminine, so I feel I have to be sure of what I am before I come out. Many people don't understand that sexuality is fluid so I feel that, if I come out as a lesbian, I won't be able to change my label in the future because people won't take me seriously.
Ah, I'd say you have a few options then. You can ignore what other people think, which while a lot of people say this is the best route I know that it's not always a possibility. There's remaining in the closet until you are absolutely sure. Which again, may not be a possibility. You could come out as pan/bi leaning lesbian then swap to lesbian later on, in my experience people are more accepting of people who initially come out as bi going back and forth between straight/gay than they are straight/gay going to bi and back. If you feel your femininity is the reason people wouldn't take you seriously you could always find a few examples of femme lesbians to show them. To be fair in my experience most lesbians are femme, followed by butch lesbians then finally lipstick lesbians. (People often confuse lipstick and femme. Lipstick being someone who wears a LOT of makeup and femme being someone who wears little to none. These definitions are entirely subjective though, I'm just giving my personal experience on them.) In my opinion your best bet would be to go the bi/pan route then swap to lesbian when you're more sure of yourself. People are a lot more understanding about that sort of thing than you'd first think. ^-^
I don't know, I've never considered the possibility of being bi. Like I said, I'm mostly positive of being a lesbian, but I feel I can't "prove" it (either to myself and to the others) until I fall for a girl, so right now I'm not sure about anything.
I relate to this a lot. Sometimes I start thinking that I'm doing this for attention, or that it's a phase. Coming out actually made me more confident about it, probably from having to answer the "are you sure???" questions so many times. For some of the people I'm close with (Mom, best friends, etc.) they would ask if I was at all attracted to guys and it gave me an opportunity to say that me getting with a guy wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen, but don't hold your breath either, yanno? So my advice for you is to listen to your gut. If you think you're a lesbian, you probably are. It's looking like you're definitely not straight, so maybe you'd be more comfortable coming out as bi, queer, or simply not straight. You can stay in the closet longer to try and figure it out but there aren't any guarantees you will any time soon, so if you're feeling suffocated you might wanna go for it?
Yeah I think I'm gonna go for it. I've wanted to come out for a while but I felt more comfortable with waiting until I finished high school, which is basically in two weeks. I'm probably gonna come out as a lesbian.
