Bicurious and had a weird experience

So basically I realises a while ago that I was slightly bicurious. When I was really horny sometimes I'd think about getting nailed up the ass by a lad my age. Usually felt a bit remorseful afterwards after I'd jacked it.

But basically there's a shop I go to sometimes. One of the assistants in there took a shine to me, would always follow me around and stand really close pretending to explain products and "accidentally" put a finger on my crotch.
I'm only 23 and this guy is quite a lot older - I'd say mid 30s to early 40s perhaps? I pretty much assumed he was gay but didn't say anything. I go to the shop very infrequently but he'd always be there and come to me and do the usual touching.

I went in today to buy some things and he was there and sh** got real. He kept doing his usual "accidental" touching, I don't get why I never left but I was having a good look around. I guess part of me didn't mind so much, but it was awkward as there were other customers about and I was scared they'd see him doing it. He'd only do it occasionally and occasionally make noises like he had blue balls or something. But the noises and the age difference just made me think "paedo" because of the age difference and some south park episode with some nambla guys taking a shine to butters that I'd seen.

Eventually he touched the head of my cock and I get hard despite trying my best to keep it down.
He whispered something like "I can see you're hard", I noticed I was " pitching a tent" and was kind of scared he'd see but more the customers. I tried to discreetly stuff it in the waist of my pants and he saw I was panicked a bit and whispered "don't worry about being hard, I'm hard too".
I was worried, I asked him where the toilet was so I could go and hide my erection somehow. He took that as a sign that I wanted to get fucked in the toilets. He said " I'll meet you in the toilets then" and went off. I didn't follow, I just stood around trying to get my semi to settle.
He came back and I asked him when he finished, thinking he could just fuck me after work. I thought about it, I just didn't want to be felt up in public, too risky!

I've never had gay sex before, I've only fucked girls a few times. Eventually I got away when he got called away to do something. I sort of hung around for a while waiting for him to discuss it, but where could we discuss something like that?!
So I paid for my stuff, kind of nervous and twitchy. The till woman must have sensed something was wrong, I guess I was acting weird. Maybe she thought I was just on drugs or something.

I got home and had to jack off. Could have done it to straight pirn but instead imagined him wanking me off.
So now I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I live on my own. Should I bring him back here and have sex? I fantasised sometimes about taking it up the ass and feeling "full" and having some guy blow his load in there, and I've put my finger up there and wanked whilst stimulating it and the wank has been amazing but extremely exhausting when I've blown. I've also occasionally thought about coming in a guys ass myself.
But I don't know if it's a good idea acting on it. I think mostly about girls and just want a relationship with a sweet, caring girl. But I think I'm rather submissive and pretty much imagine her running the show, but when I've looked into males being submissive to a female they always seem to abuse power and cuckold the men eventually, but that's another topic..
I can't imagine being in a caring, intimate relationship with a man though and truly loving him. It's just lusty feelings I get, not towards older guys but young guys like me.
If I act on it and like it then I guess I'm gay or bi, if I don't then I guess I'm more towards straight? It doesn't bother me too much. But I don't want a relationship with a guy yet. But should I get fucked by one?
I know not all gay guys do anal but its the only thing I like about it, I sometimes feel like I just want to lie on my stomach whilst he pushes it in my backside and gives me a pounding.I don't want to be someone's twink though despite pretty much being submissive and I want to get off too.

Sorry if this post is a bit disgusting, weird or even funny but this is the first time I've opened up about it and I need advice.

Thank you

 

Hi guys, thanks a lot for your opinions. There's literally no one I know who I can talk to, so it means a lot.

Yeah, I might have regretted it, I'm glad I didn't go through with it now. Like if a guy flirted with me or directly asked me I'd have given it some thought and taken his number. But getting groped in a public setting is just a bit, idk... uncomfortable. I wasn't exactly terrified, but I wasn't comfortable with it either, was worried someone would see and didn't exactly appreciate him making a beeline for my genitals either. It was such a weird experience tbh, I've never had anything like that before or known anyway to look at me in a sexual way.

I know I should, but a part of me doesn't want to get anyone into trouble or the headache that comes to me from it. I didn't exactly help the situation in sticking round for so long, people might think I wanted it.

I have done sometimes. I feel like I'm more attracted to women, it's almost like having thoughts about men is like a "kink" to me because I only seem to want sex with men when I'm very horny. I don't mean to offend anyone putting it like that, it's just how I feel.
I just don't know if I could genuinely love a man like I could a woman. I'm not sure what I'am, probably bi I guess. It's only in the past couple of years that I've started thinking of men in sexual terms. I don't think I'd care whether my sexual partner was a male or a female, it's just at the moment I couldn't see myself settling down with a man, probably because I've never really seen one.

Idk, he got me horny tbh even though I don't really find him attractive, just the thought of it and I guess the excitement (?) and him messing around my genitals obviously. It sort of muddled my thinking. I would be fine having sex with a guy and maybe him, but yeah, I don't want my first experience to be like that.

That's what I thought, I might regret it afterwards. I worried if I took him back to mine that he'd keep turning up all the time too. I don't know how to go about it to be honest. I live in a small provincial town, so I'd have to travel to go to a gay bar and I'd probably find it a bit intimidating tbh. I looked at a gay dating app before but the guys on there seemed obsessed with looks, and I'm not good looking tbh.
I considered my orientation before that, but until now I hadn't seriously thought about acting on it.

---------- Post added 31st May 2015 at 10:44 AM ----------

I'm submissive but I don't want to be some "sissy" or whatever, just like normal but not the dominant one in a relationship. I think this is what kills my chances with women tbh, I'm not a leader or really dominant. I can be in the bedroom, but in life I'm not really although I've started acting more so. It's not naturally me though.
It's just when I've looked into this stuff, submissive men just seem to get like taken advantage of it seems. Maybe I'm just getting wires crossed with BDSM and men who like to be humiliated.

Not that I can remember. I had a good family, although I guess my parents were kind of distant looking back now. My mum was always kind of miserable and didn't really show any affection and my dad was always out. So I guess I grew up cold? I definitely have a hard time spilling my guts to women, but I guess all men do. But I've always looked for women who were kind, caring, I guess sort of motherly and this probably makes me come across clingy and submissive which probably puts them off. So basically I can't win. :/
The only abuse if you can call it that is someone kind of licking my ear a few times when I was a kid and putting it in their mouth in a kind of sensual way you'd do if making out with someone. Probably sounds stupid, but when I look back at it it makes me suspect they had paedophilic tendencies. At least they didn't act on them.

---------- Post added 31st May 2015 at 11:01 AM ----------

The store isn't exactly the type that usually attracts young customers, but there are a few young guys my age and a lot of teenage girls that work there. I'll avoid the place now I think.

I thought that about chips advice after I read it, it was good getting that sound advice. To be honest I never fully understood how uncomfortable it must be for women to get groped by strangers like that before, I think I can understand it better now though, it wasn't scary for me but it was uncomfortable. But had it been like down an alley or some place where I couldn't have got help it might have been a lot different, you could imagine him pulling his dick out or something. I've never groped a stranger, I've made out and felt up girls I was seeing but I don't think that's the same (be interested to get a female opinion on that) and I hug female friends.