Hi there. I haven't been around in awhile, but this is something I've been seeking advice on. I know sexuality is fluid, and I used to call myself bisexual until the one day someone asked me how much I prefer women over men and I said about 90%. Then a few people are like, "You're pretty much gay". So lesbian is the term I've stuck to, until now I'm questioning it again. I had a friends-with-benefits situation with a guy, who initiated it. Pardon my straight-forwardness, but I was a virgin and kind of wanted it 'done with'. Sex is meh for the most part but it may also be a bit of an age thing. I attach more when it comes to things like cuddles and conversation, although I know dating this person would be a match from hell and it's not someone I would like to publically announce dating (which there is no intention on either side). Things have been different and I feel cooled off. I'm open again to another relationship (preferably romantic this time) but thinking about my sexuality, I'm not sure what I want. I still prefer women more than men but I'm not exactly closed off to the idea of something with a guy either. I can't really imagine myself well with a guy in the long-run but I can imagine it for the present moment, and I can imagine myself sleeping with both sexes. What would you say this is? I'm not label-crazy but I don't want to call myself a lesbian if I'm open to men but I'm not sure if bisexual is correct in the sense that long-term I highly doubt that a guy and I would still be a thing? Lesbian is also a label I've had for a few years now so changing it could be difficult. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks. ~J
In general I think it's quite common for bisexuals to 'lean' one way or another, whether that be through active preference of one side of the binary over the other, or through mere circumstance, because sometimes people have better luck with one or the other, depending on their social circles and 'out' situation. I don't think trying to predict the gender of the person you will 'ultimately end up with' long-term is important in determining your sexuality as a whole, because if you do experience attractions to men, you likely won't stop even while in a serious relationship with a woman, much in the same way you won't stop experiencing attractions to other women despite your existing relationship. To me, it seems that 'bisexual' is the ideal term for a standard binary-type sexuality (featuring men and women) that includes both, regardless of how intensely or frequently either gender is represented. However, especially in the gay community, I understand that the attachment to more deterministic labels can be vital for a certain sense of identity, and many people might shy away from 'bisexual' due to negative connotations among other gays/lesbians. If you don't want to call yourself bisexual, but you still want a way of verbally expressing that you're not exclusively lesbian, you might try exactly that: "lesbian, not exclusively." I've heard a lot of people use the modifier 'exclusively' when referring to their sexuality in order to express the opposite of exactly what you're describing-- like "exclusively gay" to indicate that despite already being called "gay," they do not deviate from this identity with even occasional sex acts with the opposite sex. So maybe it's common and acceptable enough that even the term 'lesbian' leaves a little leeway for your other preferences, since they seem so minor.
Well, bisexuals can have a preference towards either gender, it doesn't make you any less bi. But if you feel you're mostly gay but not comfortable with the label "gay", what about homoflexible? Mostly gay but a bit more sexually/romantically flexible than strictly being attracted to one gender?
