Currently I label myself as a lesbian but sometimes I feel hesitated to say it. I am starting to question if I will only like girls for the rest of my life and part of me agrees but another part of me doesn't really know. When I was around 4-11 I liked a couple of boys, never sexually but emotionally. As I grew up and entered high school, I paid a lot more attention to girls, never guys. I began crushing on a lot of girls and so for a couple of years I questioned my sexual orientation. I recently concluded (I'm 16 now) that I am a lesbian and wanted to start coming out as one to some of my close friends. However, I keep having this scared or worried feeling that maybe, someday, I might just end liking a guy. I feel like it's because either A] I dread coming out to my homophobic family so thinking that I might like a guy one day would save me the whole coming out process to my family in the future or B] I'm actually bisexual. However I don't really think option B] is right since I only like females. Has anybody else experienced this kind of doubt in your sexual orientation ever even though you're pretty sure you know what it is?? How do you deal with this kind of feeling?? Sorry if this description is kind of scattered and messy, I just really want to feel confident in my sexual orientation.
I just posted a similar thread, about how I can be sure of being a lesbian. I haven't come out yet because sometimes I feel 100% sure of being gay, while other times I start questioning myself again and I have no idea of what I am. I've never crushed on girls but I'm emotionally and sexually attracted to them, whereas I've never been sexually attracted to guys. The thing is, I feel I'll never be sure until I fall for a girl, and I hate it because it's preventing me from coming out. So what I wanna say is that you're not alone, but I don't know how to deal with this either
For me I just stopped stressing about a label. I know for some people a label is very important and if thats you i dont want to take that away from you but sometimes it helps to just let the chips fall where they may. I dont know if this helps but i totally relate.
Yes I definitely had that fear. I think it is very common and usually surfaces once you think you have accepted yourself and you go to start coming out. I think it is because by starting to come out you reach the point of no return and I think it's scary and that brings out the fear of getting it wrong but it gets better I promise.
I also think this is very common. I doubted myself a lot, and I do mean a whole lot in the beginning. Actually, if I were to explain everything I think I'd need a whole new thread to myself :'D. However, with time I both accepted and realized that I'm a lesbian, and I've grown into it. There are times when I doubt myself though, and think that maybe I'll fall for a guy, or when I trick myself into liking a guy, but now I'm alright with it, because I know I just like the idea of being with a guy (well, not really, but you understand right?), not actually being with one though. I hope you'll win over your doubts soon, or realize what they mean, however, the best of luck to you and a apology for my very messy post, I'm not feeling very good!
I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian but I have a boyfriend. It's a difficult concept to get your head around. But the thing is...is anyone ever 100% gay or straight? Personally, I don't think so. Others may disagree, but the point is, you shouldn't have to feel like if you come out as a lesbian you must be 100% gay. Coming out as a lesbian is not going to stop occasional thoughts of a guy creeping up if that's what you want in the back of your mind. But then again, these occasional thoughts about guys doesn't mean you're not a lesbian either. I've been told on EC that I have romantic relations with guys but want sexual relations with girls. So there is nothing you can do if a few naughty thoughts about guys pop in your head. As long as you are happy and accept it! ^-^ If you are still questioning your sexuality it may be best not tell everyone you're a lesbian but you could perhaps tell close friends about it but also explain your doubts. Friends are there to help and if they're good friends I'm sure they will understand. As for the homophobic parents, it must be really difficult. It may be easier to think about coming out to them once you're sure and you have got advice from your friends too. Wish you the best of luck
To put it shortly, I have quite similar feelings and experiences to you. So much so, that I've come out to friends only through my relationships. I have never labeled myself to anyone and verbally stated that I am gay or a lesbian, bisexual, or whatnot. I don't feel comfortable with that yet, and not sure I ever will. I wish I had a label, because don't we humans often crave that (hence why we invented words for things), but words only exist because of our minds, not because of reality. Anyway, as I was saying, my coming out process went like this, pretty much: "I am in love with a woman, her name is such and such, and we are so happy together!" You could just say you are a Sapphist (refer to the poet Sappho) and are into women, but don't like to limit yourself and are still figuring things out. It's not their business, anyway, to doubt or question your own life. Be who you are without apology. I am still learning that. We all are. Don't be someone because it will make family and friends and others more accepting of you. Best to you!
