I am 21 and female. My first crush on a girl was when I was seven years old. I had crushes on girls ever since. I find both males and females equally sexually attractive. I have a fetish with penises. I like to watch a lot of gay (male on male) porn. However, I hardly had any crushes on guys. I had like 30 crushes on girls and like 5 crushes on guys. When I have a crush on a girl, it is much more intense. I get those powerful euphoric feelings just thinking about holding her hand, kissing her, or having sex with her. The crushes I had with guys are like "light crushes". Although I am a virgin, I can picture myself sleeping with both genders. I came out the closet to my parents when I was 20 and they treated me horrifically because they are extremely homophobic. They threatened me that if I do not lead a "traditional lifestyle" they will shun me. I keep getting these intense crushes. Do these crushes mean anything? Do they mean that I will be able to fall in love with the same gender? But does this have other indicators, will I ever be able to fall in love with a male and lead a "traditional lifestyle" my parents want to have? All these feelings are scarring me. Could it be that I am a "homoromantic bisexual"?
The homophobia from your parents makes things much harder to deal with, but not impossible. As you have come to realize, bisexuality does not mean 50/50, and it sounds like you are attracted to both sexes (generally speaking). I can sleep with both genders, but much more emotionally attached to men. My boyfriend is also the same way. Crushes do mean something, indeed. Please do not live a lifestyle that is according to people's beliefs. Live your life the way you want, because it is your life. Homoromantic bisexual sounds about right, from what you provided, but this is all I can get from your post. You will be the one who decides the label. But speaking about labels, do not stress on them too much like I did.
