Yes a part of this thread is due to me reading other threads involving STI's and such. I've always been scared of sex due to the above reason. You know how in high school in Sex Ed they use the "scare tactic" to maintain abstinence? Well that totally worked on me. Even though I've been closeted, I know if I REALLY wanted to have a relationship with someone (including sex) I would have by now. But there's a huge part of me that simply doesn't because that would mean eventually having sex. That terrifies me because of all the STI's a person can contact. I actually like being a virgin because I don't have to worry about any of it. It's not a purity thing but a safe thing. Last year I found out about asexuality and was intrigued. Relationships with all the good stuff (kissing and cuddling) but no sex. It has always sounded appealing. I could still be with someone without the worry and because I've never had sex it's not like I would miss it. And if I do get sexually aroused I can always masterbate. Could it work?
Keep in mind that (at least, if we're using the proper definition of asexuality), if you've got sexual arousal and desire, you aren't asexual. Asexuality is a hardwired lack of sexual attraction/arousal. As such, it does not change, and it is not impacted by a fear of STIs and other anxiety/phobia issues. The word has been hijacked by a small group of people and it's important that the word be used correctly. That said... what you're describing is actually pretty common. There are plenty of people with very low or nonexistent sex drive (who aren't clinically asexual), and there are some studies that show that up to 40% of healthy marriages and long-term relationships are nonsexual. But there's a bigger isssue here: Being unwilling to consider engaging in sexual activity because of a phobia about STIs could be an indication of an underlying anxiety or obsessive behavior pattern, and there could be some real benefit to exploring that idea first, before outright rejecting the idea of sex simply because of a fear of STIs. If you think about it... people can get hit by trucks, or have someone break into their house and point a gun at them, or have an auto accident, or any of a bazillion other things... but most people don't hole themselves up in an impenetrable fortress because of those (relatively small) risks. Sex is the same way. If you take reasonable precautions, the risk of STIs is pretty low to begin with, and, particularly for lesbians, the risk of HIV transmission is pretty low to begin with if any sort of reasonable precautions (avoiding blood contact) are taken. Other (non-HIV) STIs are generally considerably less serious and even if someone contracts one, it really isn't a big deal... for most of them, you take an antibiotic, and you're cured. So the strict answer to your question is, yes... you could certainly find someone who has a low sex drive to cultivate a long-term relationship with. But I suspect that you'd be a lot happier if you put some energy into exploring the anxiety and phobias surrounding sex.
I'm very aware of what asexuality is. I wasn't implying that the fear of STI's is why a person is asexual, it was in relation to myself. And you are right about there being an underlying issue. Early on in my parents' marriage, my dad had a year-long affair with someone which resulted in him giving my mom an STI. Years later when she told me it really freaked me out. Because of this I have major trust issues about relationships. How could I ever trust someone? Friendships I'm fine with because you aren't involved in an intimate way.
Chip made excellent points, and as he said, if you practice safer sex methods, the risk is minimal. Not having sex because you have no desire to is great. Not having sex because of a fear of STIs may be a little harder to bear. What if you want to get sexy with someone some day? About your original post, of course sexless relationships exist and can work. But it's worth nothing that having "major trust issues" is going to make lots of things in a relationship difficult, not just sex. And sex is not the only intimate way you're involved in a romantic relationship.
I think a lot of people think that, at least until it actually comes to having sex. Once you meet someone you really like, or perhaps just in the heat of the moment, STIs are the last thing you will think about. Of course, you should always go into these things prepared and 'heat of the moment' sex isn't the best idea if it involves possible pregnancy or STIs due to no protection. Preparation is still essential. But it sounds like you're worrying about it too much I promise you one thing, it seems like a big deal until it actually happens. Just try not to overthink it ^-^ ...just use protection!
Maybe I am over-reacting a bit. I know getting tested is also important. As for protection, to my knowledge the majority of lesbians do not use it.
I think the most important thing during lesbian sex is to be clean (keeping skin clean, clean sex toys and no use of menstrual blood- the main causes of infections and diseases during lesbian sex) and then there is little risk of STI/Ds
I think it's much nicer to wait a week because then you'd get really horny and once it's over, the sex would be extra amazing
Just a whole week of holding it in and then POW. You'll practically be on top of each other as soon as you've finished your periods haha
