My twins Girlfriend has made me question and now its really upsetting me!

Hi,

A bit about my story in general.

For as long as i can remember i have always liked guys and never had any interest in woman. Other guys would say "oh she's hot" to which i would say "if you say so" i literally have no opinion. (i can of course tell if someone is pretty, but i don't want to do anything with them)
This goes back all the way to the end of primary school.

I should mention i always found it hot when someone was wearing something i didn't i.e. briefs and sort of wanted to wear them too.

At secondary school i had my fair share of crushes, non of which were viable as all of them are straight.

At Uni i've had loads of crushes on people (men, of course) and often get "that nice feeling behind the eyes" that you want to just watch them and find it hard to take my eyes off them.
I even think i fell in love with one who is a close friend, my heart would skip when he came to talk to me and i missed him dearly over the summer break, not to mention i found everything about him hot. (I've now had to stop myself feeling these things as i have discovered he's straight)


This last happened around 1 year ago, when i was about to come out. I bottled it as i discovered the bloke i really wanted to ask out had unfriended me on Facebook as they didn't seem to know me and so i didn't see the point. I was a rather crushed. (ott i know)

About a month or so after this, my identical twin brother got a girl friend, which really confused me as i thought he would be gay too. I have since discovered that this isn't the case.

I haven't really had any crushes since and go through phases (albeit short) of thinking every guy is hot to much longer phrases of not finding anything attractive. And finding it hard to be turned on my anything let alone men.

I do go to shops etc and think "ooh he's nice" and often go to their till or aisle if they work at the shop. However, they often have a trait that i want/like for example a beard.

I found chaturbate, which was great for talking to other men however i soon realised i was gay, however i am now panicking that i might like women as i feel like i have to check that i am gay and have watched straight porn and have got slightly aroused by women masturbating but only slightly and if there is a man in the vid i instantly look at him.

But this is distressing me and i have spent the last 15 years or so thinking "i'm gay" and "i like men" but this lack of much arousal and that "nice feeling behind the eyes" is really starting to make me think I'm straight, even though more often than no the thought or sight of a vagina or a woman doing anything vulgar sexual makes me feel uncomforatable and on edge or even makes me feel like throwing up.

I keep checking against this straight porn regularly now (for about a week and a half now)

my question is: Am i gay? or have i somehow become straight or something? The thought of being potentially straight is really distressing me and i really can't imagine having a girlfriend but could easily imagine having a boyfriend. (although as i write this i can't imagine either, i think I've gone into a state of panic.)

Thoughts would be helpful, should i talk to my parents or keep this to myself?
Im pretty sure that they think i am gay and i often feeling like blurting it out but this slight arousal and questioning is really making me think twice.

 

Thanks for your reply! How does one go about coming out as Bi, as my thought is if i say that I'm bi everyone will want me to choose to have Girl Friend and i really don't think i want one.