Well I have wrote here a lot of threads and after this I'm just gonna stop this for a while.. So here's the thing. I made couple days ago a thread because I wasn't so sure about my sexual orientation. After I wrote it I got an answer and it said that I might be an asexual. I have all the time just thought that I can't be an asexual, but now I'm not so sure. I could be panromantic asexual, or biromantic asexual, or even biromantic lesbian. Everybody always says that I shouldn't just think about labels, but it is hard because I'm one of those people who need to know clearly who they are, otherwise things are breaking apart. So I have read others threads too, and it helped me a little bit. So I got an idea to write all my crushes on a paper and write there what kind of crushes they were like. So I've had 10 crushes and just three of them included sexual attraction and two of those three were girls, one was a boy. Seven crushes of that ten were mostly just emotional or just for the peoples look (And all those seven were guys). I have also discovered in the last week that nowadays when I think about being with someone I always find myself with a girl, holding hands or kissing. If I see a hot guy I just think that what kind of person he is and that it would be cool to get to know him and be together, but that feeling goes away really fast. It is some kind of attraction, but it's not sexual attraction. Nowadays if I see hetero couples I start to feel sick, if I see them kissing I feel sick, but when I see two women kissing I don't see any problem there, it is just really cute and I get this kinda excited feeling. If I think about having sex with a man, I start to feel sick. When I was younger I could've think it like "it would be awesome to have sex" and get butterflies in my stomach when I thought about it but nowadays I just feel crossed. If I think about having sex with a woman I don't feel as crossed as I feel with men, but when I think about it, somehow I get nervous. There is also this thing that happens sometimes. It is that I just get crossed about both sexes, but the feeling goes away as fast as it comes, and I don't really mind when it comes but it bothers me a little bit. So here's the deal: Is there a change that I am an asexual, because I think it could be the answer for all this. Or is there a change that I'm just pansexual because I don't really mind if that people who I love would be trans. And is there a change that I am just biromantic lesbian, because this thing being with women have started to get bigger and bigger and I feel that I just have forgot men. And when this questioning have come further, I have noticed that I just like women more and more. So is there still a change that I'm just a lesbian (I don't fit in any lesbian stereotypes, but many of them doesn't). And if there is any lesbians, can you tell me about discovering your sexuality: Did you ever feel attracted when you saw a guy? Did you find it out later in your life or did you notice it when you were a child? And this is because I have noticed that I don't care about men anymore, I just mostly care about women. And tell me, if you don't understand something, because English is not my native language. Thank you!
I understand your desire to know exactly who you are and to have the clear language to describe it, but ultimately, labels exist for the purpose of giving what already exists a name. Having a label to apply to yourself isn't going to help you understand yourself more-- it works the other way around. Understanding yourself more is what will show you which label to then choose, because the substance of who you are comes first, and then you simply pick a title that explains it. No one here can tell you exactly how much you like girls vs exactly how much you like guys, or how you feel about sex. We can suggest potential titles you might not have previously known existed, like 'panromantic,' but we can't tell you if you are a person who's romantically attracted to a wide variety of genders. That part, the content of the category you fill, is up to you. I will say that sometimes attractions wax and wane, and it's possible that you might lose interest in men for awhile before regaining it again later. It sounds to me like what you've described is, more than anything, a fluctuating sexuality that includes all genders, even if sometimes you prefer one more than the rest. It also sounds like you could have an interest in sex, and perhaps experience periods of time in your life when that interest fades, but again, might come back later. If you really must find a label for all of this, I'd recommend choosing a more encompassing term like 'pan,' so that you don't accidentally limit yourself from finding someone you never expected could make you happy. Instead of going with full 'asexual,' which is a very tricky label anyway, why not try something like 'demisexual,' which still allows for the possibility of sexual attraction but de-emphasizes its importance in your life?
Well yeah, I think I just live without really knowing... I was unsure, then I got answers and got even more unsure, and now I just give up, because I was so sure that I was pansexual, but now I'm not so sure that should I use that term anymore... Only I can really know and decide, but I have lost the leash. :icon_sad: thank you for answering.
I think it's a little bit like the sorting hat in Harry Potter. You know where you might get placed, but it is based on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions that the label will eventually choose you.
