Hi, Ive been pretty convinced I'm gay for about 13 years, (crushes, fantasies etc) i told my parents the other day as I'm really confused. I've only ever liked men, but as soon as i realised that i was gay (about 2 weeks ago) I've been questioning, i though i should check if i was straight. (looking a adult film) it started off that women were repulsive and now I'm questioning my hole sexuality. I have an obsessive personality and have suffered with OCD in many form over the years. Is it possible that i have it over my sexuality and can it make you find people attractive that you wouldnt have before? My theory is that, if i were straight or Bi, apart from already knowing this, it wouldnt be distressing me. Thoughts please.
I've not seen any clinical evidence to support it and it is not in the DSM so no, it is not real. If you have feelings of liking men, then you like men and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Believe me, I tried very hard to not be gay and was strongly in denial for years. How old are you? I'm guessing mid 20's?
the point is you know you´re gay but you´re afraid of not being one, do i get it right? in this case you can have HOCD (heterosexual OCD= being gay and being stressed that you arent), especially when you suffer from other kinds of OCD previously; dont worry, you can have a talk with a therapist and if they recommend you a treatment you can be fine; it means you´ll still be gay (when you said you are) but wont question it again and again
Short and very direct answer - No. That may well be true, but it doesn't follow that you have an OCD related condition. If it were so, we could apply the same label to just about every gay man who experiences the very same struggle with self acceptance. In saying this I am not dismissing the very real struggle that people have with OCD. We know it's real and we know there are many people within our community who need support with their diagnosed condition, but we need to be very careful not to invent a new condition for which there is no credible or widely accepted evidence. By your own admission, you have been convinced of your sexuality for 13 years, but only within the last few weeks (since coming out) have you started to question what you know. That isn't OCD - it's actually part of the coming out journey and something many of us have experienced. I don't say this to you personally Steve123a, but it does no service to the LGBT community to introduce the idea that our coming out struggle is related to OCD. I would like to see an end to it on this forum and beyond.
Yeah, essentially i worried I'm not gay! I was 100% certain and then decided to check, as mentioned before and then found myself compusivly checking(by watching straight porn), "just in case" and now i am potentially finding women vaguely attractive and even slightly arousing, but only really in the porn. I am also not finding as many men attractive. is this anxiety or have i changed sexuality?
I have the same problem. My sexuality related obsession started when I tried to come out, but everyone told me it was a phase. I compulsively checked if I was attracted to men. That made me feel like I was beginning to like men and losing attraction for women. I have had OCD symptoms in the past, so it's nothing new.
PatrickUK has put it perfectly. This is general brain response as a part of acquiring new identity of a gay person and losing the previous identity of a straight person - which people generally feel when they come out to own self and come out to closest people like immediate family etc. Although it does not seem like an OCD - you can take take help of therapy to cope with anxiety and any other associated stress you are facing. I am 25 years old and out to myself since not more than a year. At times I also do check compulsively with the thought of "just in case" as you also mentioned. You are not alone!
Well, no. Neither does "HOCD." I'm no psychologist, but I have learned more about obsessive-compulsive disorder after being diagnosed with it. OCD involves repetitive, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions.) For some people, these intrusive thoughts can be sexual in nature. (I think this where the ridiculous idea of HOCD came from.) They don't mean anything about you as a person. I've had violent intrusive thoughts despite the fact that I'm a very gentle person who literally wouldn't harm a fly. (Obsessions have to do with your fears, not your personality.) But I don't think what you're feeling has anything to do with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I agree with Patrick; this sounds like it's more about self-acceptance.
it sounds as a mix of both, troubles of self- acceptace can lead to development of hetero-OCD, if you still check women again and again and dont like it but feel you have to do it again to be sure and when you feel quick relief after that control process that might be OCD
Hetero-OCD ??? Don't give more pressure by naming normal brain response as a "disorder". It will further increase your anxiety with thoughts like whether I get treatment, medications, how to remove disorder, doctor and what not. It has been just two weeks for your coming out to parents. Give it some time. It is normal to feel so. Don't stress. Focus on being confident and unapologetic about being gay, it will automatically help in reducing anxiety associated with loss of identity.
thanks for your responses. to clarify i only really came out to myself about 2 week or so ago, having exclusively liked men for many years. Then on monday i told my parents as i was getting so confused.
ok, if it´s only two weeks then i agree with vicky90, however hetero- OCD exists but it´s not your case right now
H-OCD is not a recognised condition and I repeat that it does no service to members of the LGBT community, who have enough struggles with their identity and self acceptance to introduce the idea or indulge in amateur diagnoses.
straight OCD is a recognized condition but you´re right that it shouldnt be connected with struggles of lgbt people with their identity
