I've been questioning for a while over whether or not I'm bisexual. I've been romantically involved with a girl before, but only physically attracted to guys, never any emotional attachment. I usually chalked this up to the fact that I can't have a strong emotional attachment to someone unless I become very close to the person, and almost every single guy that I've been obligated to spend a large amount of time with has had multiple character traits that really turned me away from wanting to become friends with them. I have no idea how to go about figuring myself out though. Playing american football for my high school and participating in my boy scout troop have been large parts of my life the past two years and will continue to be so for another year or two, and quite literally everybody on my team (coaches included) and in my troop (adults included) are incredibly homophobic. I'd probably get cut from the team if anyone from my school knew I've been questioning for a while (word gets around quickly here), and also stripped of my eagle scout ranked that I've worked very hard for five years to achieve. Constantly pretending to be so many things that I'm not is driving me crazy, but I don't see any alternatives for the next two years.
Since the not very-friendly environment around you, you may wanna try to figure out your orientation on your own, taking your time. You said you've been romantically attracted to girls and sexually to guys, but you're not excluding the chance of being romantically attracted to guys, too. You might be biromantic homosexual, since you're attracted by both males and females romantically but only to males sexually.
Sorry, I'm not too familiar with all of the different terms and worded that incorrectly. I'm sexually and romantically attracted to girls, but I've only ever experienced sexual attraction to guys, and it hasn't been as common as with girls. I don't know of any ways to figure it out on my own.
HI, First, welcome to EC. You're totally in the right place. You don't need to familarize yourself with the labels being used, because they aren't recognized labels, and there's no credible basis in the scientific, clinical, or even consensus among professionals for a separation between romantic and sexual orientation. Unfortunately, a tiny group of people have created an entire list of labels that have no basis or grounding in anything solid, and these labels tend to confuse and limit people's ability to understand themselves, rather than to actually be useful, at least to most people. So you're probably best off to ignore the unrecognized labels and stick with what is well understood and acknowledged among those that study the field. If, on the other hand, you find that these labels totally speak to you, then by all means make use of them... but for the most part, people seem to do better by exploring themselves and finding out where they fit within the recognized spectrum of sexual identity and orientation. What you're experiencing is actually pretty common for people exploring their sexual identity. To feel a deep emotional connection to someone requires a deep openness and emotional vulnerability... and that's difficult or impossible to do when you're exploring something that you're pretty certain won't be accepted among your peers and those you spend time around. One of the best ways to gain some clarity about your attractions and orientation is to look at your own sexual fantasies. It's best not to do this using porn, but to masturbate using only fantasies you create in your mind. You can imagine yourself with a guy you find attractive (real or fictional), and see how that fantasy plays out with your arousal. And then do the same thing thinking about a female you find attractive. I suggest doing that a few times with each, and then, perhaps, having a session where you don't consciously choose anything to fantasize about and simply let your mind wander, and see what it comes up with when you're not putting conscoius thought into it. Another piece of information that helps is looking at where your eyes naturally wander when you're out wandering around... the beach can be ideal, as it's somewhere where there are a bunch of guys and girls, scantily clad, around your age. Shopping malls can also be good. If you just let your eyes wander, where do they stop and look? More at guys, or more at girls? In both of these circumstances, it's important to try not to judge and just let whatever naturally happens happen. That's easier said than done, but I think if you practice it a bit, you'll find that it's possible. Usually you'll find that, by doing these two things, you can get a pretty good idea of where your natural attractions lie. Now the next issue is dealing with the conscious feelings. This is usually where the (as far as we now know, erroneous) belief that there's a separation between romantic and sexual orientation comes from. For people like yourself, there's a strong emotional desire for a particular outcome: Your football teammates and fellow scouts might not accept you if you were attracted to guys, so naturally, that's going to consciously turn off your attraction toward guys. But that's a conditioned problem rather than something hardwired, and so, by looking at the hardwired orientation (where your fantasies and where your eyes take you), that gives you a pretty clear picture. Once the picture starts to get clearer, then if you do have attraction to guys (which seems likely), the next step is learning to love and accept yourself, and to realize that most people who really matter will love you no matter what, and won't care what your sexual orientation is. That can be a tough thing to get your hands around, but it's basically true. Finally, take your time. There's no rush, no timeline you have to meet to work this through. What I can promise you is that eventually, whether you're gay or straight or somewhere in between, you'll come to love and accept and believe in yourself fully, and that will make it a lot easier to feel happy and loved and accepted.
