Most of my life I've had this strange attraction to women. Not in real life though, just fantasy. I say strange because it isn't like my innate desire to have, hold, be romantic and intimate with men. I'm unsure if it is taboo based or a result of homophobia from being raised Catholic. (Side note, while I admit to being mildly homophobic, I'm fully supportive of rights for individuals and have several gay friends. I just have this weird issue that I might somehow "catch" homophobia. I've been diagnosed with mild OCD, please don't judge!) None the less, I've found a man I truly, deeply love and can't imagine the rest of my life without. We've been together for 10 years and married for 2. Because of fears of sexuality, I've recently begun having immense anxiety during sex (including outright avoidance most of the time). I've always enjoyed sex, especially general intimacy, but questioned if it is how much I "should" based on media/outside perceptions of sex. I also have issues questioning every male and female I see, "Do I find him/her attractive?" Then panicking if I do/don't. I've been in therapy for a little while, but I just can't come to grips with everything and relax. All I want is to stop thinking and stay happy with my husband, but I overanalyze absolutely everything. If I tell myself to admit I'm a lesbian or bisexual, I relax for a minute then think, oh, but I don't actually want to date women. My mind is a mess. Surely someone can help me! (Some perspective, I'm aware of the fluidity of sexuality, variances in preferences, fantasies versus real desires, and many other concepts, but I STILL can't relax! My greatest fear is that I'll somehow change my mind in the future and leave him.)
Hi Teacher, I think you have nothing to worry about. If you are in a loving relationship as you say you are, then it should not be a problem. Because of the information we have today, there is no clear meaning of gay, bi or straight. There are many other types of sexual preferences out there that people may not even know about. Pansexual, Queer, A-sexual, homo flexible, hetro-flexible or demi-sexual, etc. Doesn't mean that you are going to leave your husband, because sexual orientations are individual to each person. Because, some people may have alittle feeling for the same sex, but it doesn't mean that they will jump into bed with them. Because if you are in a loving and supportive relationship, then as I said it should not matter.
Hi Musicman, thanks for your response. Is there a place on this site for asexuals? I remember growing up that I used to joke I was asexual because I was always for intimacy (like kissing and snuggling), but could take or leave sex. I'm just now learning that it's actually real.
Your welcome, I don't know. There are no clear rooms on the site. It's probably best to ask the staff members.
I was like that a couple months ago. Not sure when was the turning point, but one day I just didn't give a shit about what label, because in the end of the day, I still like guys. I'm bisexual, if anything, but I tell people I'm gay because it's the easy way out of letting people know who I'm interested. And I don't want to be the gay guy who dates a girl, so that's kinda why I've adopted the gay label quite quickly.