It's weird being gay in a conservative family like mine. I've grown up taught to live up to the strictly straight way, doing things one man should do and everything off these norms was completely forbidden (well, it wasn't a written rule but I knew it shouldn't be discussed because that would be "fishy"). Seeing all of my school-mates getting into straight relationships didn't help me much - I turned out to be the only one without a girlfriend. I've seen how people treat the different ones and this simply made up my mind not to reveal my true identity and act straight because of a fear of bullying and rejection. But I'm growing up already, I'm concerned people might find me "suspicious" in the sense that I show a bit of my "gay side" from time to time and I don't do the things one "normal" guy typically does. I don't like doing the common guy activities like playing football, checking girls out, being interested in cars, etc. But apart from that, I'm pretty normal, actually. Also, it's hard being a man sometimes, you have more responsibilities which are tougher and harder that the girls'. I might act feminine sometimes but I guess that's not as bad. I assume that in some cases and aspects of life, I think more like a woman or I'm just more sensitive. However, I plan coming out to my family (mother and sister) but I haven't decided yet. On the one hand, if I come out too early, I might be rejected. On the other hand, my mom will be fine about it, but she'll need some time and perhaps she'll be angry with me for a while. But what if I'm not gay, at least not totally? I've told my sister about it, but the conversation didn't last long since she had an immediate "solution" for the problem - she told me not to watch gay porn and that it was a transitory and temporary period in which my hormones were acting crazy, making me do wild things. I think she didn't want to bring that topic up, perhaps because she couldn't imagine me such or because she didn't want to accept it. Sadly, I could give up on gay porn, even though I gave it my best shot. I tried watching straight erotic movies but I couldn't get turned on at all - I've never been into women. So, do you think I'm normal (possibly bisexual) guy who's just going through a rough phase or I'm totally homo? I'm 99% sure it's the second option but I'd like to know what you guys think. Thanks.
It's hard to say. I think you need to explore your sexuality further. When you think about the furure, do you see yourself with woman or a man? Aside from the porn, have you ever experienced a crush on a male, ever? The fact that you have no interest in women makes me think you are more gay than not. I think it's who you fall in love with, with what gender do you feel more connected to. When I had a crush on a girl, all I wanted to do was much more then just have lesbian sex. I wanted to be partners, soul mates, to care for her and protect her just like a man would, to hold hands, to have family and grow old with her.. It was much more than sexual attraction, it was deep emotional connection. Are you planning on coming out soon? If not sure I would just say that you are unsure and still trying to figure things out. Maybe try to talk to your sister again, telling her that you think this is real and not only hormones related phase, and have a seriuos conversation together, ask her for advice on coming out to your mom. I wish you best of luck!
Hey, Your definitely young so I would give it some time because you have plenty of time to figure it out. I'm 21 and still don't know exactly where I am so that freaks me out to but I think the more you try to rush it...the more confusing it becomes...it has to come naturally to you.
