Just what the hell am I?

Thanks to the media, most people assume that gay males have to be feminine, when that always isn't the case. Yes, there are masculine gay male and feminine gay females. I agree with you. The whole "macho BS thing" isn't attractive. But, keep in mind that in high school, boys are dumb. As you (and your classmates) get older, you all will mature. I didn't have a gay relationship in high school for that very reason.

Another thing is, are you sexually attracted to girls? Because if not, I would just have a little more patience, and want until you find a guy with whom you are attracted both physically and intellectually.

 

You're probably bi. Or some people go with homo/bisexual heteromantic or whatever. It probably depends on if you're sexually attracted to girls.

 

Sashafr, first off, welcome to EC. I have a good friend who's nickname is Sasha and he's a boy. Our former Prime Minister's son did that so it's sort of a small thing in Canada.

Secondly, Everything you just said sounds like me 4-5 years ago. I'm a fairly masculine dude. I listen to heavy metal, play sports, zero interest in fashion or most of what passes as a gay stereotype. It probably added a year or 2 of confusion on my journey to accepting I was gay because I would look at what passed for gay on TV, and then look at myself and think "well, I can't be gay!" Also, I'm not really attracted to more masculine guys either. And that's fine, it's perfectly okay to have a "type."

But as I eventually realized is the only thing that makes you gay is having an attraction (usually sexual) to other males. That's it. It doesn't matter how you dress, whether you have an accent/lisp, what music you listen to...

What you need to ask yourself is who are you attracted to? Who are you checking out at the beach or when you watch porn? Does the thought of being with another guy excite you or completely turn you off?

Discovering you're LGBT of some capacity can be a scary thing. God knows it took me several years to really come to terms with it, and I still kind of am. It's hard being seen by your friends and coworkers as "that guy." If you're struggling with that part of it, myself and others here can help.

Lastly, as for "what you are," as others have said, you're probably bisexual, probably leaning straight. Perhaps try the Kinsey test online. Just know, labels are only meant to help you tell others your sexuality. Don't let a label try and change how you feel about people. Perhaps you're straight and just confused, perhaps you're actually gay. Or maybe you're somewhere in between. I'm gay, but that doesn't mean I find women completely unappealing or unattractive. Depending on the day and my mood, I can find women about as attractive as guys. I don't know if calling myself gay or bi would really work, I'm somewhere in between. But I don't let it impact my emotions and feelings for others. You shouldn't either.

Good luck on your journey of self-discovery.