Hi...:icon_redf This is my first time here, but I've been on here so much not as a member and stuff and thought I should talk because I feel like I'm drowning in my feelings :dry:. (Im fifteen and a girl) So in middle school I met this really amazing freaking fantastic girl in 6th grade who when I first saw just made me go: Oh my god she's so pretty. I didn't know at the time that my feelings for her could be labeled, but I was obsessed with her like crazy. I did though, like a guy at that time and it was a little confusing. In 7th grade I realized whatever the heck I felt around her was different and after realizing that most people felt like this with guys I shoved all my feelings until the middle of eight grade. During 7th I did like 2 guys because one had these nice brown eyes and the other had like a funny personality. In the middle of eight grade I started to want to kiss her and it confused me more and I got more nervous around her and gah feelings. From eight grade itself I started to lose interest in guys and thought of them as less attractive. This year was terrible. I'm at a different school from her and I was like fine I can get over her whatever. (Nooooo it takes forever to get over her). Anyways, this year I had like lust/like crushes on girls everywhere. It's super confusing because I see a girl and im like woah. (I feel so bad for one of my friends lol I ranted so much about girls lmao.) Right now I'm just confused because I don't have that attraction to guys anymore. Their penis and muscles are just like ew no. Although the face can be kinda attractive to me. I don't know if meeting her made me gay or bi and it scares me. I just would love to be straight, but every time I look at a guy compared to a girl I would always go with the girl. I dont get it, and I'm drowning in all of these feelings and emotions and sometimes I just want to throw them away. I don't know if my feelings are real or not, because it could always be puberty but I don't think so atleast if it's been like 3 years. I've told some of my friends that I don't really really want to label myself but if I were to I guess it would be "100% not straight" and for some I go with bi I don't know If Im still trying to hold on to that so I could still be straight and it's all a phase and everything will magically go away but I have a guy feeling it wont. Like okay maaaaybe I could be with a guy. I don't know sometimes if my feelings are real or not and ugh I hate being 15 right now. I guess my question is what the flying :***: am I and did she turn me like that or was I always like that? (gosh thanks for reading all of this )
Meeting this girl did not turn you gay, but it did make you aware of feelings you already had pent up inside of you. Don't be so quick to label / definite your sexuality. Labels are only there to make it easier to describe to others what your sexuality is in a word instead of needing a paragraph everytime you meet someone. Don't try and make your feelings and emotions toward others fit a word. Most people on the planet is bisexual to a certain degree, even if only a tiny bit. It's the in-between and what our attractions are they make us who we are. If you have feelings toward guys, great! If you only find guys romantically / emotionally interesting but find you're more attracted physically and/or emotionally to girls, that's cool too. One of my best friends is bisexual. She's married to a man, loves her husband and finds him physically/sexually very attractive. But emotionally she finds she's closer with women. They totally make it work and have a very committed relationship. I guess what I'm getting at is take some time and really listen to what your heart is telling you. If people ask you your sexual orientation, just say "I don't know, it's somewhere between straight and gay." Personally, I still have no idea where I am. Some days I'm like 99% gay, other days I'm somewhere near the middle and find girls rather attractive. It just depends. Calling myself gay is just easier for others to understand, as I doubt I'll ever be in a proper relationship with a girl again, but there's nothing that says I can't find them attractive. I'm just me. And I hope you can be you too.
This is a very similar story to mine and I just want you to know that this really helped me to realize I am not alown and I am telling you this bc maybe it will help for you to know also
