I first realized I was gay when I was 13 years old. Since then I have still struggled with that realization and am not entirely comfortable with it. But recently I came across an article on sexual fluidity and now nothing makes sense anymore. I went from complete certainty to confusion in no time at all. Now I'm bashing my head against a wall trying to figure out what I am now but I'm getting nowhere. Is this normal? How can an article have such an effect on me?
In the past, have you ever felt any attraction to the opposite sex? You also say that you're still not completely comfortable with being gay. So maybe reading that article only makes you think you could be fluid because deep down you want feel "normal." Is that possible?
I remember being in a similar position. It's basically when you get new information and your mind takes it as a possibility. You know, it's something worth considering. This is what kept my mind in a continuous loop of confusion. Takes time to sort things out.
That might be true. To be honest I never liked being gay. On top of being an outcast at school I had to be gay too. So when I went to the community areas I found myself still unable to relate at all to any of the guys. It was all the stereotype. Even the pride fests just made it worse. I found myself sometimes acting like them just to fit in. So yeah, I've never liked being gay. Mostly because I felt like I needed to change to be accepted.
Except I despise it, because as long as I'm gay I can't love myself. It's like a blight upon my existence. Everywhere I look it seems like I have to conform to their world or be alone, and it has been a lonely life I have to say. There have been several times I wished to be straight, so that I don't have to be associated with people always wanting to change me.
