I'm aromantic and asexual, but I love the idea of having someone to get close to and be cute with. I want to be able to cuddle them and kiss them and whatever without it feeling wrong for me. I get uncomfortable even though I want to get close and I feel so broken. Everyone describes romance as such a beautiful and magical thing and I want part in it but I feel like I can't. I feel like I'm missing out. Like there's a glass wall I can't get past. I can see how much romance is a part of everyone's lives and it sounds so great and I can see how happy it makes them but I have this feeling that I will never be able to be that way. One of my friends knows I'm aro/ace and they're really cool about it and she might like me (in a casual way). We had a sleepover last night and even spooning made me feel out of place. She kissed me on the back and I just... I wanted to enjoy it so bad. I'm so scared at the prospect of never finding anyone that will want to spend to rest of their lives with me, and that if someone does fall for me that they will have sexual and romantic desires I can't fulfill. I'm scared of being alone forever, I wouldn't be able to cope with that. I'm sorry this message is so angst-y but I can't keep this to myself much longer, I need someone to understand. I tried speaking to people about this before and they just brush it off real fast and tell me I'm a 'late bloomer'.
There is no reason why you can't find someone to love who will love you back. You just have to look for them. Are there any asexual meet up groups where you live?
Unfortunately I live in a small town. There are no support groups. And anyway even if there were, I'm not sure I could attend. I mean, I'm out to my parents about being queer but they don't like me bringing it up and don't believe me though they say they will support me with whatever. I know I will probably find someone that loves and who I love back, but what if that person has sexual and romantic needs I can't fulfill? And the asexual and aromantic spectrum is marginalized even in the queer community. I just... finding someone with the same feelings as me seems unlikely. I wish I experienced romantic attraction. I really do. (Also it's so great you are supporting Chrissy Chambers as well!)
Well you could also try asexual forums. Not as ideal as meeting people IRL but it's a start. Don't feel bad about what you can't help being. Chrissy's my girl So is Bria! Love those girls!
Perhaps you need to think about being in a long term partnership with someone who is free to experience his/her sexuality outside of your partnership. There may very well be people out there who would love to have a friend at home and be free to roam sexually. If that wouldn't upset you, it might be something to consider. (I realize it's pretty far outside the box and you are still young, but it's something to chew on.)
Thanks Gabby, I'm more concerned over my aromantic side though. Yeah, maybe, it would hurt though to know that I couldn't be close like that for them. I don't know... I just want to stop being scared of getting close or sensual actions like cuddling or kissing.
