Hi, You may have seen me post before. But essentially i came out a few weeks ago as i was having some confusing thoughts about women and needed to talk to someone. Since then, I'm sure i don't find women sexually attractive, i mean boobs look like udders and vaginas look like they have a had a cock removed (no offence meant, just my honest thoughts) I had know i was gay for years but now all these doubts have set in, regardless of the fact that i have never fancied a women or ever thought about them sexually. It just feels like i need to look at women to see if i like them, i invariably don't, i can make my self feel paranoid that i do and then a look at porn or pictures of naked women and then think, "Nah i'd rather not" We are as men always seem to get me going. It just my head feels so unsettled about being gay, maybe its because i didn't tell anyone for years and so learnt to overt my eyes from hot men etc, so that i wasn't "caught" which i know is stupid but i did it. I should also mention i was getting paranoid i liked women and so watched that video with the big arsed women which is essentially pure porn. I watched it all and it did absolutely nothing for me, i was just bored by the end. Thoughts? I know I'm probably gay, which is all fine and dandy with me, i fact the thought of being with a women feels all wrong and don't get me started on lesbian porn (no offence) it makes me feel rather ill. Women should just not be sexual at all! It looks so wrong (again, no offence) I'm just looking for comfort really but any honest opinion would be good.
Is like you're certain but your mind won't settle down, am I right? I have that a lot. I think it's just trying to unlearn what's been forced on you since you were a kid. I'm aro/ace and I have a lot of self doubt about it because society seems to revolve around it, though I know me having no romantic or sexual attraction is fine, I don't want to be. I'm just scared of it, being like this forever. I think it stems from us subconsciously thinking that being anything but straight and cis is 'not normal'. It's hard to unlearn that. A quick side note: Just because you find female porn disgusting, does not mean they shouldn't be sexual. Porn is super fake anyway. I find porn pretty unappealing myself, however, those people are allowed to do what they want and not be judged for it. You probably didn't mean it like that, but you should just be careful with your wording as it could stir up bad feelings for some people. You didn't have to say it looks wrong or they shouldn't be sexual, as it's not your place to say that and it is your choice to look at that porn. Sorry if I'm causing unnecessary drama, but it's just it could make people with those assets (boobs and vagina) have more insecurity in their body, especially if they are trans.
I can only reiterate the advice I previously offered - please read it again. You really are being unfair to yourself in obsessing over perfectly normal feelings. Testing yourself and watching porn will prove absolutely nothing about your sexuality, which is unchanged anyway. I know it's difficult for you, but you need to give yourself space. At the moment you are tying yourself in knots.
