I'm super nervous to post here but here goes!... I'm 35 years old. Have been married for seven years to an amazing man. Have a two y/o son and five y/o daughter. House, thriving business, family outings with grandparents and cousins on the regular and even my mother-in-law loves me. Pretty much the "American Dream" if I may use that term. Then why did I feel compelled to have an affair with the woman who owns the business next door? I've never been intimate with a female, I do have quite a few lesbian friends I hang out with but nothing ever even crossed my mind before until I met her. I have definitely fantasized about it but never more than that. Finally one night I caved and pretty much pursued her. Yeah... The "straight girl" went after the lesbian. Feelings grew. She told me she wasn't comfortable being intimate with me if I was still having sex with my husband. Soooo.... I stopped having sex with him - because I wanted her. I never even looked at another man (none the less a woman) since I had married but this was a different feeling. My husband found out. It wasn't pretty. I felt terrible. My family (sister and mom whom I was very close with) hated me for ruining a perfect little family circle and I was left with my head reeling because I couldn't objectively understand how I got where I was. It made no sense to me. I crushed a great family dynamic. After bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball for seven months I finally decided I had to make a committed effort to trying to make my marriage work since I cared for my husband so much and my family. Being without my kids and family was overwhelming me and I constantly felt sad. My husband and I have so much in common I was really missing all the things we enjoyed: dining out at nicer places and reviewing the food, wine, Disneyland with family, even shopping. It's been a month and a half that we've been back together. My husband is very insecure with me and I am constantly reassuring him I am not associating or interacting with my business neighbor at all. Which I'm not. Although I miss her madly even though she's basically lost her marbles over the whole thing. Even though my husband is an unbelievable guy, the sexual spark has totally left the building. I feel other things fading and more like I am holding on to the "achievement" of having that perfect family rather than doing what makes me happy. I am not in to him whatsoever sexually and I'm devastated about it as the other things slip. My affection is very forced and almost fake. He's even noticed my body doesn't react like it used to if you know what I mean. But it definitely did for her which I can't fathom telling him now. We are starting counseling next week but I'm super scared of what will come from it. I decided that because my emotional attachment to my family and everything I have was so strong, it was worth more than the physical desire I have to be with her and explore that relationship. Even if I am willing to sacrifice that more sexual part of my life, he doesn't want to be with me unless I want "ALL" of him. Which I can't blame him for. So now instead of hiding an affair I feel like I'm hiding my feelings. I thought it was just a "thing" before but now I'm concerned about what I've discovered about myself and how to handle it. Even if things didn't work out with my first female encounter I now feel like I need to find another female to see if I can find someone I'm compatible with that I'm attracted to of the same sex. Moreso to try to see if I'm comfortable with women instead of men or if it was the person in general and not the sex of the person I dove in to. So at this point I'm going through the motions taking one for the team.
Hey wow difficult situation. I do not think it is possible to stop those feelings once you have allowed them to surface. Are you sure you are into females solely or do you also enjoy men. Because either you could add threesomes to your love life or I guess you could get a divorce with equal share of the children.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Are you still interested in him? Or just the picture perfect family? I went through an examination period last year, trying to figure out what I wanted, and I've decided that I do love my husband and want to stay with him, but I'm also at least a bit in love with my best friend. You can read more on my blog (link under my profile). Let us know how we can help!
Sorry for the delay... life got in the way... Lady - I don't look at other men. Not romantically interested in my husband anymore either. He offered a threesome a couple weeks ago maybe to help me more comfortable but... I would be worried that 1- I would be more attracted to HER and not in to him and 2- I dont want to just hook up with some stranger which means there would be an emotional attachment of type involved and that would be very distruptive in my marriage. I don't think my husband realizes that. Bi - I care about him a lot. How he feels, his successes, his feelings etc. I don't think I am in love with him anymore. As the days go by I just feel more like I need to be alone or experience an actual relationship (a healthy one without the infidelity and redtape) with a woman to see where I stand.
