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Should I be labelling myself if I don't have a sex drive?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by blurry, Jun 17, 2015.

  1. blurry

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    Ive been disgusted with sex and masturbation since I hit puberty, I can't stand to do anything down there and it scares me when I try to think about it.

    I would like to get into an intimate relationship eventually but along with this, I also have never experienced sexual attraction, I find people attractive but just as a general observation. I've had interest in being very close to friends, even interest in perusing a romantic relationship (with mostly female friends) but never a sexual relationship.

    I don't feel uncomfortable when thinking about me not being on the receiving end. So that's what makes me think I'm not asexual.

    But it's not something I feel I need to do. I'm fine without any sexual fantasies or whatever.

    idk
     
  2. Eveline

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    When I came out to my mother as asexual, she mentioned that until she met my father she felt a large amount of disgust with sex which changed once she got romantically involved with someone that she loved. I came out to another girl and she said something fairly similar. This seems to be fairly common considering how low the chance is that the only two women that I came out to had a similar experience as yourself. Sexual desire seems to be fairly fluid and changes as you age and depending on your circumstances. It's up to you to decide if you want to adopt a certain label, however, there is no strong evidence to say that your experience is uncommon or says anything about your orientation.
     
  3. blurry

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    It's just hard when it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship or is obsessing about their "bae". So I feel like a relationship will complete me but I'm still searching for my niche in that area.

    Perhaps I just haven't found that time and place where I truly feel ready and comfortable. Thanks Yaeli
     
  4. Eveline

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    One thing that has helped me come to terms with my sexuality is to stop viewing sex as an act of physical pleasure but instead to view it as an act of intimacy and a way to become closer emotionally to another person. You become a part of each others lives by letting another person see you for who you are and through the vulnerability inherent in letting all your guards down around that person connect to that person on another level.

    (*hug*)

    Yael
     
  5. Foz

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    By definition asexual is no sexual attraction, that is wholly different to what you describe as it "feeling a bit icky". Think back to when you were a kid and you saw someone kissing, your first reaction was probably "ewwww, what are they doing", what you saw then was just the physical act of people shoving their tongues in each others mouths. Now you probably view it differently as and act of intimacy and not just in it's literal sense.
     
  6. blurry

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    I do see it in a different light, and it does seem less weird than it used to. But I don't feel any attraction to it. I think maybe I would like to do it but it's not a compulsion, just me pondering about it since I've never really cared when others have. Like, I dont feel any different when thinking about sex then when I'm not. And the only times I think about it is when it's mentioned in passing or when I'm wondering why I don't care to think about it. It isn't triggered by a person or infatuation but just logical thinking.
     
  7. Fred89

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    If you want a label have you ever heard of asexual labels such as hetero romantic, homo romantic, etc? If not go google them. There are forums just for asexuality too.

    I have noticed your orientation says Lesbian. You could call yourself homo romantic as in being romantically attracted to women but not desiring sex. Don't let anyone talk you into anything that makes you uncomfortable.
     
    #7 Fred89, Jun 17, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2015
  8. Chip

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    At 16, everything you're describing is well within the range of normal human sexual expression. Lots and lots of people your age simply don't feel any strong attraction, sexual desire, or anything else.

    So unless you want a label for the sake of having a label, I wouldn't bother. One of my friends says, when people ask what his sexual orientation is, says "I'm Blake" (his name.) I definitely woudln't bother with the unrecognized "homoromantic" or the crowdsourced, non-scientific use of "asexual." And you definitely don't meet the definition of "asexual" that nearly everybody (except a small group that's created their own definition that isn't based on science) uses.

    It isn't uncommon, particularly in your mid-teens, to feel exactly what you're feeling... and then one day, to wake up and find things feel differently. I totally get that it may feel a bit isolating if most of the people around you seem to be experiencing things differently than you are, but I can assure you that a lot of people feel exactly like you do... and that's perfectly normal. No special or unrecognized labels needed. :slight_smile:
     
  9. blurry

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    Thanks, makes sense, I guess I just felt pressured but I feel reassured now :grin: