Hi all, So I had crushes on guys and girls growing up, but around the time I came out when I was about 18, my attractions to men diminished, and I can't really say I've had a bona-fide crush on a guy for about 8 years now. I have eyes nearly always for women. I've been in relationships with two women, and I love the girlfriend I have now, and the sex is good and I get easily turned on by her. However, I still fantasize about penetration with a penis (a sexual fantasy I've had for a VERY long time, and I think it was my first sexual fantasy), and it gets me off easily. It's more like during the heat of masturbation though, when I want to orgasm. It gets me off quickly. I've even imagined it a few times during sex with my girlfriend when I just wanted to get over that hump (no pun intended) and orgasm even though I'd never think of men leading up to it. This makes me question myself, and whether or not I am still bisexual, or just a lesbian with a kind of a kink, maybe? I have sex dreams about guys and girls too, and a few nights ago a dream I had about sex with both made me start obsessively questioning again. Am I really sexually attracted to men? Do I need to pursue this to find out? Do I "need" a penis to sexually satisfy me, since I've fantasized about it so much in waking life and dreaming life? The thing is, I don't want to be attracted to men... I just want to be a lesbian, and be happy with women and only pursue women. I don't want this questioning hanging over my head whenever I masturbate about penises or have sex dreams with guys in them. I guess if I were single I'd go have sex with men just to see what it was like... but I don't want to be in a relationship with them. And I don't even know if sex would be satisfying for me except for the whole penis thing, because the idea of a man kissing me, touching my breasts, being pressed up on top of me... kind of turns me off. Oh, it can turn me on knowing that a guy is attracted to me, but I think it's all about me feeling power, you know? I don't really want to pursue it, even if I think that some guys are hot or cute. I still have a fear that I'll somehow "need" to be with men to feel fully sexually satisfied, and that I truly am attracted to them. I don't know if this is curiosity, or me being a homoromantic bisexual, or maybe I'm just gay with straight fantasies. All in all, I don't want this, because I just want to be happy with my girlfriend and with women in general. Help?
Maybe you're just picky about men and only want fantasy ones. You shouldn't feel pressured to be attracted to anyone if you're not.
I think its safe to say you are still lesbian, because many lesbians use penetration in sex, that doestnt mean that they aren't lesbian, but that they enjoy it sexually
This is confusing because I decided to experiment and visualized a clear form of a man (and not just a disembodied penis like I normally do) while masturbating, and I got off! And all this questioning kind of blocks my feelings towards women and my girlfriend somewhat.... I'm worried that this means my sexuality is shifting even though I don't want it to :/ Do I really want men? I don't know...
Honestly, you are the only person that can say who you are attracted to. Good luck figuring it out though!
