Before I begin, I would like for everyone to keep an open mind and please don't be offended. I was raised very religious so this process is a little bit overwhelming. I apologize now, if anyone gets offended but I feel that all details are important in understanding my situation. I was exposed to sex at a very young age. My uncle was addicted to porn, and my boy cousins and I found the stash and watched it. I was five years old. Even to this day I remember that porn so vividly. Being children, and being absolutely fascinated with sex we continued to watch any porn we could find every day. Then we would "act it out". The usual " you show me yours and I'll show you mine"thing. Nothing too crazy. Then, whenever me and 2 of my female cousins would get together, we would do the same thing. But we would actually touch each other down there. Never finger, or oral, just rubbing each other. This continued till I was about 10. I've always been attracted to men. Always. I started becoming orally sexually active at age 16. To this day, I've never had penetration sex just oral sex. I've never been with a girl, if you're not including those adolescent moments. I've never found myself attracted to a girl either until recently. For the last 6 months, I've been severely depressed. Things aren't going well career wise, I feel trapped, and I haven't had a boyfriend in like 3 years. Not because I can't get a boyfriend, I'm just really picky. My friends and family have noticed my depression(they're the ones who brought it to my attention.) During this time, is the first time I questioned my sexuality. Since age 5, I've been addicted to porn. I probably watch porn every day or every other day. I'm surprised at myself at how I haven't went all the way with someone, since I watch so much sex. But recently I've been watching lesbian porn. I find myself getting off easier with lesbian porn than straight porn. I have 2 bi female friends and I found myself slightly hitting on them. Then, there was this waitress who looked more like a guy, she had a boy haircut and boy mannerisms and I hit on her too. Then I found myself obsessing over the actress/model Ruby Rose. I personally don't think I could be in a relationship with a girl but I find myself sometimes fantasizing about doing sexual acts with one ( usually the type of girls who look more like pretty boys: for example the attached picture of Ruby Rose). Now my family is a very religious family. I was taught that God loves gay people but not the act of being gay. That it was a sin, just like sleeping around, stealing, and lying. So throughout my whole life this is what I believed. Again not to offend anyone, but this is what was embedded in me and I still sort of believe it. That's why every time I think about my situation I get overwhelmed, anxious, and scared. If I am bi, I don't know if I could ever come out to my family, or at all. I am involved with the church and I love it. I love church. But I can't seem to shake this. Sorry for the long post. I had nowhere else to turn. Any helpful advice or insight?[/SIZE][/SIZE]
Hello! I am so sorry that no one has replied to your post. i had similar situation as you. I would do the you show me yours and i will show you mine with girls. even though we never touched. i have liked guys though as well, and have loved them too.. I also grew up in an environment where seeing gay people was okay but being one was not. I am also going through anxiety and depression, and i have isolated myself from a lot of people because of this. I don't know how porn would come into this as i don't know how it would affect things and i am not addicted to it. But i would suggest leaving it for a while and seeing actual reactions in your body from people. Before when it was new with men I would get horny watching men and woman porn. But now i can only get aroused if its woman on woman porn. Im very confused too and know that you are not alone. Please message me if you need more help
Hey! I feel like I have a very similar story as yours! I was also exposed to sex at a very young age, and have since been a very sexual person with attraction to both men and women, although I never thought much about my attraction to women until recently when I discovered Ruby Rose. When I fist saw her, something inside me was awakened and has opened my eyes to the thought of being sexually involved with a woman and I've been obsessing over the thought of it. I'm very confused and feel as if I need to have an intimate experience with a woman to know for sure...
