1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Do you ever confuse sexual attraction and envy/idolisation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Thingymajing, Jun 19, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Thingymajing

    Thingymajing
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2015
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ozland
    Like, do any of you ever just see somebody and think "Wow, I really don't know if I want to be that person, or if I want to be with that person?"

    I'm pansexual and kinda questioning my gender at the moment, and sometimes I don't know if what I'm feeling towards a person is lust to have them or to be them. I am seriously confused. I'm questioning my gender for the first time in my life, and now I'm confused about my sexuality as well, the one thing I thought I understood at last.

    I don't know what type of people I find attractive, and what type of people I am.
    I thought I understood my sexuality but now I'm all confused again. It sucks.
    And the worst part is, I don't know if it's my sexuality that I don't understand, or my gender. I wasn't even sure what section to post this in - orientation or identity - because it's about both.

    Sometimes I swear I'm a lipstick lesbian, despite my tomboyish appearance (ie: not feminine). Other times I realise how boyish I dress and feel and how much I hate being boxed as female. Other times I remember how much I love sex with men as a woman. Sometimes I think about how much happier I'd be as a man having gay or straight sex, but I don't know if that's just interested thinking or something more. I look at gorgeous feminine women and can't work out if I want to be with them, or want to be them. I look at badass butch and tomboy women, types like Ruby Rose and Starbuck, and can't work out if I want to be with them, or if I want to be them. I think I want to be with the former and be like the latter, and I think I like men but I get confused... Basically, my thoughts are just all over the show and I'm not sure about any of it...

    But does anybody else ever get confused like this? Confused about what you're confused about? How do I work out what I'm feeling? :frowning2: I don't know what I'm attracted to, what I am, what I want to be visible as to others, everything. I need some outside help, because my own brain ain't making things any clearer... I've been stuck like this for months now, and because of it, I don't have a social life, I have no friends, I'm scared to start making friends before I've found myself because no friends is better than rejection from existing friends... I haven't got a job yet in this new city, nervous to get back into martial arts, I only get 10 free psychologist sessions and I'm using them to get over my fear of dentists and blood tests... And now I'm rambling whoops :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I just... I feel confused, lost, and... defective. Halp?
     
    #1 Thingymajing, Jun 19, 2015
  2. juno14

    juno14
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2015
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    scotland
    Sorry I don't really have advice, but I just wanted to say I TOTALLY relate to what you say about not knowing if you want to be or be with someone. Literally every woman I've crushed on or idolized I've had that with, it's totally frustrating and makes sexuality super confusing. Anyway sorry I'm not much help but good luck :slight_smile:
     
    #2 juno14, Jun 19, 2015
  3. Jax12

    Jax12
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can relate. For guys that have a lot of muscle and hair, I wish to look like them. If I could be in their shoes that would be perfect. However I would also like a man like that in my life, so there's a bigger drive towards men. But if I could be like those buff older men, then I would have an attractive wife, so there's that.
     
    #3 Jax12, Jun 19, 2015
  4. goodnate

    goodnate
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Frankfurt
    I can also relate. I have always been questioning my sexuality but just recently I started questioning my gender identity. The trigger for that was that I found a woman who I just thought was perfect. I loved the way she dressed, the music she heard, her body... I totally loved everything about her. It took me some time to realize that I actually wanted to be her rather than to be with her.
    So, identifying with someone is probably not a very good reason to start a relationship with that person. Better chose someone who makes you feel like you can be yourself and feel good about it.
     
    #4 goodnate, Jun 29, 2015
  5. ATtappman

    ATtappman
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2015
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dude, every day of my life. : l Sorry, I know it's hard. But it will work itself out.
     
    #5 ATtappman, Jun 29, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)