Female, sexually & emotionally attracted to females, sexually attracted to males

Hi everyone. It's my first time posting here and I'm in need of advice, not sure where else to go or who to talk to. Any insights/opinions are welcome.

I'm a 19 yr old girl, and for as long as I can remember I've never really cared about dating. Most of my friends started dating when they were 15/16 and some of my closest friends are in long term relationships currently. I know I'm still young so it's not really a big deal. Anyway, I've never been in a relationship, and as I mentioned, that never really phased me. I've had 2 casual 'arrangements' that were solely sexual and they were both bothered. I like spending time on my own and I'm very independent. I don't deal well with clingy people or too much affection, so I've always just thought relationships weren't for me.

Over the past 6 or so months, however, I've developed an interest in being with someone. I think I'm a bit lonely after so many years of keeping at a distance from this stuff. During this time I've really allowed myself to think about relationships and who I'm attracted to, and it became so clear that I'm not only interested in men.

I came to this realisation when I was going through a bit of a hard time: a close friend of mine had just left the country to go back to her home (exchange student) after we spent 6 months living together, doing everything together, travelling together, cooking together etc. Looking back on it now, it kind of felt like a relationship (without the sex of course, and I know my feelings weren't reciprocated).

We were extremely close, and I've never really had that level of connectedness with another person before. I was extremely upset for months because I missed her so much but eventually settled down. This experience made me think back over the last few years, and I realised there have been 2 or 3 key women in my life (friends) who I felt something really special for, who I still admire and love, but I never really identified it as such until this period of reflection, or whatever you want to call it.

Now when I think about being in a serious relationship, I can only see myself with a girl. I know I'm also sexually attracted to girls. But I'm also definitely sexually attracted to guys, always have been.

I haven't 'come out' to anyone, as I don't really know what I want to identify as, and I don't want to force myself into something I'm not ready for.
What do you think of this situation? Am I bisexual? Am I more homosexual than heterosexual? I'm a strong believer in the Kinsey scale and I think sexuality is fluid, but I really need some outside opinions because I'm not really sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around this.
Thanks everyone.

 

Thanks Fallingdown7and fxngirl for your replies :icon_bigg
I've been doing a lot of thinking since posting this and reading your opinions and I'm thinking about coming out to my parents and close friends, because I want to start dating women and I don't want to have to hide that. Actually finding a women to date who isn't straight is a whole other ballgame, wow!

 

Hi Linning,

thanks for the warm welcome!
I only just saw your post, sorry for the late reply.

I think I have the worst 'gaydar' possible. Since I posted this I haven't 'come out' but I've instead been trying to understand my feelings better and testing out my newfound sense of sexuality by observing girls around me (in a non-creepy way I hope) just to see how it makes me feel and whether they might be interested. I'm definitely bisexual (at the moment anyway), although I don't know if I like the term/want to label myself as such. I haven't really been out clubbing or anything in a while so it's hard to meet people and see if they might be interested. Or at least it's hard for me!

I actually live outside of Sydney (I just put it down on my profile as the closest major city) but I spend a fair amount of time there. But since this is kind of a recent development for me I'm a little hesitant to test the waters I guess. I think what makes it harder is I'm not really surrounded by many lgbt folks. One of my best friends is gay but other than that there's not a lot of people that I know I can talk to about this stuff. I suppose this is where I should seek out groups in my area, etc. This is also part of the reason I want to come out to friends/parents, to start a discussion and just so people know.

Thanks for letting me now about birdcage! I just looked it up on facebook and it looks cool. Maybe something to experience soon

Thank you,
It's so comforting to hear from others in similar situations!

 

Did you end up going to bridcage Linning?

p.s. I think I've decided to come out to my closest (gay) friend today. It will have to be via message/phone though since he lives in a different state!

 

Hi EpicConfusion,
thanks for the reply.

Nice to hear the reverse side! I've pretty much decided I'm staying away from any complicated labels for now, just until I have had some more dating experience. Then I might know what I want to call myself if I decide to label myself as anything. Interesting that you consider yourself to be gay. I don't know if I could at this point label myself as just lesbian. I'm not sure it would feel right for me anyway, but I do understand why you do it.

Just an update all: I came out to my two best friends today. It felt so good and they were hilariously supportive, as my friends always are. One of them said to me, and I quote, "you've got too much sass for just one type of ass." Amazing.

 

Hi blueshadedsoul!
Really nice to know I'm not the only one - I've never had much to do with the lgbt+ community before joining this site and starting this thread so I didn't even know about the homoromantic 'subcategory'.
I'd say I'm a 3 or 4 on the Kinsey scale. I did some tests online a while ago but like you said that's not really accurate.
Thanks, it feels really good even if only a couple of friends know

 

Newcastle is where I live!
It was great. Haven't told anyone past my 2 best friends yet but I'm kind of content at the moment. They were so supportive and funny!

 

Thanks again, I'm so glad I found people here who understand!

---------- Post added 1st Jul 2015 at 07:05 PM ----------

This is crazy!! I'm not there at the moment but I will be for a few nights next week.
I'm excited to hear about birdcage! Have fun tonight, I really want to go