Dysphoria is quite messing with my sense of romantic attraction.... I'd very much like someone trans to help me out a bit, but of course all advice is appreciated. Beginning from the top... I grew up feeling very disconnected from my body, like my mind was the only part of what others perceived to be "me" that I perceived to be me. And even my mind I hid quite well from others. So, when I was young I did have minor crushes on girls and "dated" two. I got the butterflies and all. Also later when I was 14 or so I could have crushes on girls. But they weren't as strong as the crushes I had had on guys. The crushes were usually if not only (I can remember two, and they both were) on guys who were older than me and who had protected me from bullying. One of them was a really cute blond and the other a big, strong Middle-Eastern guy. My heart longed for them. A part of me wished they could be a little younger so that I could perhaps be with them, even though I was a boy to the world and they were statistically probably straight. Now when I think of my attractions, I'm sure that I could love a guy but not at all sure I could be involved romantically with a woman. I'm quite sure I could sleep with women, I find them pretty and all. But when I look at a love story or so, I only yearn for the girl in the sense that I want to be her, not that I want to be with her. Here comes the slightly weird part... When I think about my knight in shining armor, the "man of my dreams", I don't think of a man. That feels off to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of small boys either.... But when I think of the person I'd like to spend my life with, it's more like I'm a girl who wants to hold the hand of a boy, not a woman who wants to hold the hand of a man. I think this is likely because I'm going through a "second puberty" and a second childhood as I'm accepting my gender and psychologically letting myself 're-boot'. So I don't know really... I'm kind of confused now I guess. thanks if you've read xo
I already made up my mind I'm going to die like one of those unhappy elders that get put in one of those old people's homes
Whatever you choose, is what is right for you. It sounds to me like you really want to be with a male? Wish I could help more, but just want to give you my support. (*hug*)
@yaoicore You'll find someone to love you in the end! @gloomyra yeah I do think I prefer guys or exclusively like guys romantically, I'm just a bit unsure... Thanks!
