Not totally sure of my sexual orientation. Need advice, please!!!!

Hello, people!

This post will be long... Be advised!

I am a 24 years old male, consider myself straight and from Brazil (I apologize for troubled communication in advance).

I am sensible, tend to over analyze things and the idea of touching or kissing a guy, in my teens, made my disgusted (I'm truly sorry if this offends someone!!!! Please, it was just how I felt).

Since early days in school, I had crush on girls. From time to time, I would have that one girl that I'd be in love with. I never had a crush on a guy but that does not mean that I never recognized that a man was good looking. This recognition was always seen in my mind as a "competitive" thought (more good looking than me) or just "good looking". Never had second thoughts about them but would stare for a longer period of time than usual(I don't know why).

I had a girlfriend for 6 years (17-23 years old) and felt strongly connected both sexually and romantically. We were very intimate and when I was 22 years old, we started to try some things more socially unaccepted (I'm talking about tongues). This maybe was the first time I questioned my sexuality or gave it a thought. When I was 23 years old, we broke up.

Others than my girlfriends (I had 2 in my life), I would feel "in love with" but as soon as 1-2 months I would lose interest and end the "relationship" (I don't know if I just liked to see them feel in love with me).

Since break up, I started dating several women and I'd say that I had ED. I wanted to have sex with them but I couldn't (eventually I could, but rarely in first tries). This made me question my sexuality even more.

In parallel with "dating several women", I would touch myself while watching porn every day. I would eventually see gay porn to test myself or whatever and would get really aroused by it (question sexuality even more). After that, I've started having thoughts (that would get me aroused) about having sex with a person of same sex. I should mention that it was always something sexual and faceless (it wasn't with a particular man nor had romantic feelings involved nor I would feel the urge, in my thoughts, to kiss this person. I wasn't even attracted to the body. Was I attracted to their genitals?).

I eventually joined some social network (like ******) and started to choose some good looking guys to chat. Ask them how they knew they were gay. After chatting a bit, I would lose my interest and usually delete the person or the social network itself. Time would pass and I would join again and do the same thing.

One day, I found this guy who was more sexual-oriented and it really turned me on (I had to have that experience). I drove to his place and long story short, I wasn't attracted to him (really, it was the thought of the act that caught me up), he couldn't get it up, there was no intercourse and I wanted to run away from there. I left his house feeling like shit, as I had done something really wrong (or something that felt wrong?).

Since that, I dated some women, felt connected to them, broke up with them, joined for 1 day or so a more sexual-oriented gay community (******), talked about my feelings and deleted it again.

And that is pretty much my history.

I really don't know what to do... I don't know if I am straight, bi, gay... Should I be in therapy? What should I do? It is so confusing... I'd love to hear all your thoughts on this and I am sorry for any mistake I've made while writing (it has been a long time since I finished my english school).

Best Regards!

 

Sorry! Any thoughts on this?