Hopefully I am able to put my thoughts into words in a way that it actually makes sense.. Here we go! As long as I can remember I have been an extremely sexual person. I had discovered the act of pleasuring myself around the age of 7, and I never looked back. I used to sneak into the living room late at night after my family went to sleep, and I would watch TV shows about love and sex and touch myself to the images of the couples engaging in sexual intercourse! It's only been recently that I've really thought about it and looked back on it, but I was never as attracted to the men as I was the women. I used to search naked women on the internet and get myself off on an almost daily basis.. I was a very horny child! And when I wasn't searching online, I was creating scenarios in my head where I was intimate with other girls. Although I've always had this attraction to girls, I also am very attracted to men! I have had multiple boyfriends over the years (I am 21 years old) and I currently am in a very serious relationship with a guy who I am totally in love with. We own our own home, have a puppy, and are very happy. Even though I have what a lot of people would consider a "perfect" life, I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for a few years, and it has actually worsened over the past year enough for me to seek a prescription from my doctor. At first, I thought that my depression had to be all chemical as there was nothing in my life that could be causing such sadness and anxiety. It wasn't until my doctor had said that in people my age, depression is more often than not situational, which got me thinking what could possibly be the problem? I always knew that I was slightly attracted to women, but I never thought it was more than any normal woman was. In high school, I did what every other teen girl did when there were drunk and that's make out with your other female friends. Of course, I was definitely more into it than the other girls would be. There had never been a specific girl or situation that really made me question my sexuality or had me confused until a week ago when I started watching Orange is the New Black season 3. Two words: Ruby Rose. As soon as I laid my eyes on her for the first time, my heart literally skipped a beat and my jaw dropped. I have never in my life experienced any reaction like that with ANYONE, let alone a woman. I know there are a lot of straight girls posting on social media saying how they would "go gay" for her, but for me I think I AM gay for her. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for days, and all I want is just to find her and kiss her!!! I have never been so confused in my life. I don't want to sound like all of the other girls claiming they are gay for her, but I also don't want to slam those girls in case they are going through something similar to me. Is it possible for it to have taken someone as beautiful and unique as Ruby Rose for me to realize that I am in fact bisexual/pansexual, whichever you want to label it? I love my boyfriend and my life, but a part of me is longing to find out what it feels like to embrace another woman in more than just a friendly hug and to kiss her lips in an intimate way, not just on a drunk night to impress horny teenage boys. What am I? What do I do? I feel so alone and lost with no one to talk to about this...
Hello! I am so sorry you have to go through anxiety and depression because of whatever reason. i was in a relationship with a man for 3 years and I thought i was really happy because like you i had it all. In theory it was all perfect and i was happy. There were times where I considered that i was not with the right man, but never thought that it could possibly be because of a woman. i have also never really been with a woman which makes the curiosity even bigger. If i were to be with a woman and realized that i only like women that would be even scarier. Your anxiety could come from different aspects of your life such as your past, and you would have to examine that. Have you always suffered anxiety? A question for you would be, when did this anxiety start? if so maybe you can pinpoint it. For me I remember having strong urges to breakup with my bf and me struggling cause i wanted to stay with him. At the time, i didnt understand why i had these feelings. Ruby Rose, is gorgeous btw and even though you had a strong reaction with her, it should be taken as a celebrity crush. I mean the chances of you meeting her are highly unlikely, although not impossible and she is also taken. You have come to the right place where we are all kind of lost and confused. Hopefully it turns out okay. Just know that i am thinking about you. If you have a desire to be with a woman, maybe you can speak to your man about it and see if you guys can have a threesome or maybe like a pass.
I completely agree about the celebrity crush on Ruby Rose!! Sadly, I know I have no chance haha. It just seems that since becoming aware of her existence, it has awakened something inside of me that has been asleep my whole life. I am suddenly more aware of women around me, and I've been thinking more and more about having sexual encounters with women (which is a total turn on for me) I've actually brought up the idea of a threesome with my boyfriend, and of course, he was right on board Only problem is that I don't think he understands that I'm being completely serious and not just thinking out loud. Now I'm wondering where I would even find a girl to join us? This is all so new to me I feel like a born again virgin lol
I really laughed at your comment. You should mention how important it is to you and that it is now joke. As for where to find someone to do a threesome you should do a ****** account as a couple, or ******* works too! I see many many couples there all the time looking for women haha. When i first had my aha moment, I also had this sexual thing with women. i would see every single girl that walked next to me and even get wet.. Which is so weird, cause im not easily aroused. PM me if you want to talk some more. I really would like to know im not alone in this world feeling this way.
You are not alone in this! We're all here because we're figuring stuff out. But it sounds like you have someone to talk to who really cares about you who's been by your side all along. Sit down with him and just talk. Like everyone has said, chances are he'll be totally on board with you embracing another lady.
