So, until fairly recently I identified as pan with an extremeley strong preference toward girls. I had an experience with a cisman and it sort of turned me off to that entire anatomy. My question is - how can I say say in confidence that I'm a lesbian if I wouldn't really be interested in trans girls/nb folks with those parts? That just seems really transphobic to me. And I'm not saying that one experience that could have gone a lot better is going to stop me from trying again with new people, but I really just can't see myself getting down with it. And, if I can't say I'm a lesbian without being transphobic, then what the heckie am I suppposed to tell people? I have no problem with explaining my explicity sexuality to them, I'm just not sure if there's really a name for this.
Ummm....this is not transphobic. I also identify as a lesbian and I do not date trans women that are not post-op. This is a physical preference. A lesbian who does not like pre-op trans women are just a certain type of lesbian. Some lesbians don't care about genitals and others do. If someone refused to date a butch woman because it turns them off, it does not mean that they are not a real lesbian for refusing to be with all women, and it also does not mean that they are saying that butch women are not real women. Obviously they are women, but being a lesbian doesn't mean you have to like all kinds of women. Obviously some trans women are the same. There are some who only want cis women or post-op trans women too, and others that don't care. Really, it sounds like you might need a break from Tumblr for a while since this is where this viewpoint usually comes from.
I've been taking one ever since I started questioning this because of it . Thank you though that was really reassuring to read.
To me it seems like you are over thinking it. When you say you're a lesbian it doesn't automatically mean you are into all women. It's understandable you have a certain type that attracts you the most. Some women wouldn't date girls with huge boobs for example, would it make them huge-boobs-phobic? I agree with what the others said above. Just enjoy and embrace who you are. (*hug*)
Not liking that anatomy doesn't make you transphobic. It might be a bit transphobic to completely exclude trans women and dmab nonbinary people from your orientation (you can't always tell people are trans, so you very well may find yourself attracted to a trans woman or dmab nonbinary person and not even know it), but you can absolutely say you don't want to sleep with pre-op transfeminine people and (if sex is something you want in a relationship) you don't want to date them. That's not transphobic. That's just a preference you have.
