Not sure if this belongs here, my apologies if it doesn't. Anyways. I'm in a bit of a strange situation. I am, as the title says, in love with another boy, but I'm not sexually attracted to him. I feel no physical attraction to him, but when I talk with him, it's definitely love. Not that great with words, so I'm not quite sure how else to put it. Obviously though, there's an issue with the situation, and I'm really not sure what to do at this point. I can talk with him for hours, and I get that fluttery feeling thing whatever it's called, when I do, but I really don't think I'd ever be able to kiss him, etc. Any advice is welcome.
What is that orientation called? Like ____romantic-likeing the (___=insert gender) specified gender in a way that is not sexual, but a... Romantic way I guess... I don't know. (*hug*)
I wish I knew, I saw your thread. I think this is a unique case for me though. I'm straight/demisexual, whatever that's called, and I'm not really in any sort of questioning/curious state concerning that.
Perhaps you could be biromantic. Although the only one who can say for certain is you. Give it some time and I am sure you will figure it out. Good luck!
I suppose I should have worded my initial post better, my apologies. I'm not so much worried about what I am, I like who I like, that's about all I care to know, but more what I should do in this situation. On the one hand, I'm not sure it could ever turn into a full relationship because of the lack of any sort of physical element, but on the other, I love him, and I don't ever want that to change.
Maybe you just love him as a very good friend or he's some kind of role model to you? There's also the possibility of you liking him in a more romantic level, but it sounds a little bit unlikely since you don't show much interest in having him as your boyfriend. Society makes men believe that they're gay just because they like their friends way too much, but that just ain't true.
Well, do you think he likes you? Is he gay? Sometimes if a really good friend shows interest in you, you might start to feel like you like them too, but it's really just getting attention from someone you admire. And there's nothing wrong with loving a boy even if you aren't gay. It could be platonic love. Are interested in romance in general? I mean, do you feel physically attracted to other people?
It's definitely romantic love, not platonic. He's in a similar situation as me, as far as I know. And yes, I'm interested in romance. I know I'm physically attracted to women, but being demisexual doesn't exactly give me many occasions to feel that way.
I'm personally kinda similar, but sexual attraction did end up developing. I had romantic feelings for my best friend, and she confessed, the physical attraction came in a few months. Anyway, if he is in a similar situation, you really should talk to him about it, also discussing you're not really into being too physical. Many people may not like that in a relationship, but some are okay with it. Romance doesn't necessarily have to have physical attraction, though often times it does.
There are times when straight people can fall in love with someone of the same gender, and only that one individual. Maybe that's what's happening here.
^I had a similar situation with my best friends brother, I came out to both of them this year and I told my best friends brother,Johnny, that I liked him.after telling them, Johnny, started to talk to me about some gay experiences he has had. At this point I thought two things, One he is just trying to relate to me, or two he is telling me that it has ran through his mind that he might be gay. Then he would stare at me sometimes, but not just a quick stare he would stare at me and I would turn and he would make eye contact. He did other things that kept me thinking he was gay but he says he's not. All those things he did, he did knowing I was gay.
If he is or might be into you to, it could be worth talking to him. Would you be interested in a strictly romantic (non-physical) relationship with him? If so, it might be worth finding out if he would be interested in that as well.
It comes down to this: are you going to love someone for their soul? Or for their genitals? So you love a boy. Big deal. What you describe is definitely love and just because you aren't sexually attracted to him doesn't mean the love isn't real. Let me make this perfectly clear: Love ≠ Sex. That's something modern society has done an excellent job mucking up. Real love is a much deeper thing and often physical attraction comes about in time as a result of love but NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. People think they love someone when they're physically attracted to them but the majority of the time they find it was just hormones and when the attraction wears off there's nothing left. All this to say: you love him. The sooner you fully accept that the happier you will be. Now go do something about it.
Hm well do you possibly think it's just this one guy you'd ever be in love with? Some of us experience a sense of love with someone of the same sex. If you think you'd be able to feel this romantic feeling with other men too then you are most likely Biromantic. Meaning you'd have a romantic relationship with both sexes but would only be in a sexual relationship with females. I wish you luck on discovering yourself.
I have no issue with being in love with a boy. I really don't care. What I'm afraid of, is that the lack of physical intimacy may destroy the relationship. I've never, not once, heard of any sort of romantic relationship that does not involve physical intimacy. Love may not mean sex, but sex is a part of a healthy relationship, and I don't want to lose him because we can't provide that for each other. Which is my dilemma. My apologies if my original post was misleading.
Given how strong the feelings are, It's quite possible that you might actually be more attracted to him than you realize. I wouldn't bother with the various unrecognized labels. They don't really help you actually resolve the issue, and there's no scientific basis for any of them anyway. So what might actually be helpful is to think about this in terms of the stages of loss... when we process any form of loss (in this case, perhaps, the loss of identification as straight) there are stages we go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. This may or may not apply in your situation, but go with my theory for a moment: What we've seen here at EC quite a bit is that as people who identify as straight first have a situation like you're describing... they are very confused. It doesn't compute. They know they're having strong feelings, but they're feeling a block toward any sort of sexual connection to it. Often that "block" is essentially a psychological wall of protection: there's nothing actually holding you back from experimenting... except this "wall." So one thing you could look at is what happens when you masturbate, without porn, thinking about this guy. Do you get aroused/excited? Is it more arousing/exciting that other times you've masturbated without porn? If so... then likely there's genuine sexual attraction and arousal there, and your unconscious has essentially created the "wall" because -- even if consciously you'd be fine with it -- your unconscious isn't so sure about sex with another guy. Keep in mind that, too, it would not be uncommon to feel really aroused while masturbating, and then really gross and disgusted after you orgasm. This, too, would be a means of unconscious trying to keep the wall up. THere's no guarantee that anything I'm saying is on the mark. I could be way off base. But very commonly, as people work through these sorts of situations -- and the one you describe is pretty common, actually -- they find that as they open their mind to the idea of sex with another guy, it starts to feel less like the "wall" is there, and when they do decide to actually embrace it, they find themselves reaching a new level of connection and satisfaction.
