How many lesbians have slept with guys before? And how many times?

I have, but I never enjoyed it. That was kind of an indicator that things were amiss. I tried to make myself sexually attracted to guys and told myself over and over that it was just the wrong guy and I would eventually find the right person. It wasn't until just recently that I have realized that I am just not interested in sex with men, that I don't find the male body attractive in a sexual way. Yes, I have thought guys were attractive on a superficial level, yes I have liked the personalities of guys, but I am not attracted to them in a sexual way. I was just trying to fit in.

I'm still trying to figure things out. I have always looked at women in a sexual way, and now that I have discovered I don't look at men that way, it's lead to a lot of confusing feelings and thoughts.

 

I did once after I had realized that I was mostly attracted to girls, and thought that I was attracted to men somewhat. That promptly clued me into how gay I actually was.

And you absolutely can truly be a lesbian if you've slept with several men before.

 

I've been with men before coming out and had one son and it was having my son and knowing that I want to teach him to be true to himself and to love everyone no matter of race religion culture belief sexuality etc that encouraged me to be true to myself and embrace my sexuality and enjoy being who I am

 

I've had sex with 3 guys, 2 of which I dated. I'm sure from the outside, my life looked great, but all my relationships were really dysfunctional. They were dysfunctional because I was uncomfortable with anything intimate, even kissing. It just never felt natural and I never liked it. It's hard because I cared about everyone I dated and went out with (I didn't sleep with all the guys I've gone out with, but I did other things) but I didn't like doing anything sexual. There were also other things that lead me to have intimacy issues that I don't want to get into.

Anyway, there came a point in this past year that I realized that I shouldn't have to force myself to be with men. Yes, I find them attractive, but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to them. That's not a way to live and in fact lead me to feel really depressed and lonely even though outwardly I looked like I was living the life. Part of the reason I am hesitant to come out to any of my college friends is because it will seem so out of the blue. Even though it's not for me, I never talked to anyone about my feelings for girls because I was ashamed. I think I'm still dealing with that. When all you want is to fit in, have a relationship with a man, get married, and have a baby....it can be hard to let go of that, even though it's not what you feel you really want.It's a nice idea, I wish I felt the way sexually towards men that I feel towards women. When you've grown up hearing that you'll eventually find the right guy, it's hard to think any differently. And I guess i'm still dealing with that and trying to figure that out.

I don't think sexuality is as simple as some people try to make it seem. It takes some people longer to figure stuff out, and that doesn't make you any less of a lesbian, gay person, or whatever you identify with. Everyone's story is different and everyone has different reasons for suppressing their urges and thoughts and not acting on them. There are deeply personal reasons why I tried to force myself to enjoy a relationship with men. I don't think that the fact I have been with men makes me any less of a lesbian, or whatever it is I am, I'm still trying to figure things out myself.....


I hope that helped.

 

So this comes with the caveat that I'm only -probably- a lesbian. I'm still trying to figure things out, and also just come to terms with the idea. I've slept with one guy, who I was in a relationship with for 3 years. At first the sex was ok because of the novelty factor, and I thought it would get better with experience. Instead, it got more unbearable over time, and I spent a lot of time wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Before that bf, I had only ever kissed one guy. As soon as he tried to go beyond kissing I was completely turned off and put a stop to it, and chalked up my disgust to not finding the guy attractive enough.

I dated and slept with guys because I figured that's what you're supposed to do, and that's how things are supposed to be. I took it for granted that I should be attracted to guys, all while brushing off my attraction to women. I think that subconsciously I was just so afraid of the possibility of being gay and what that would mean that I avoided dealing with it entirely. I absolutely believe that you can have slept with multiple guys and still be a lesbian. Coming to terms with being gay is a lot harder for some than others, both due to different circumstances and different personality types. The human ability to lie to oneself and live in denial is really quite impressive: I know first hand

 

I guess at the time with guys, for the majority of them I enjoyed the physical sensation and was emotionally into them (most of my exes were very effeminate). It was the emotional aspect that was arousing. But subconsciously I was annoyed they didn't have the right anatomy!

Then when I started to explore my "bisexual", i.e. lesbian side, it was then that I realised that I was missing out on a whole other realm of things which I didn't really know existed before. Things generally now seem a better fit, and I guess being with women feels more natural and I bring more of myself. There also seems to be more of a deep instinctual urge to have sexual with a woman, whereas with men, looking back it was a bit more superficial.

The idea of being with a man now is simply weird- although never say never. I guess now I feel more authentic and more fully present when with women.

 

Wow some of the responses here resonate with me a lot! Especially what Purple frog has said- this is pretty much me as well.

Personally- I've had a pretty tough youth so it took me a while to realise that I am not as such attracted to men, but to women.

I've had sex with men & I have loved men, but those two never 'came together' for me- something just felt missing somehow-so I really only started questioning after I continued to feel alone and unhappy whilst in a relationship with a man.
I've felt attracted to them as people and aroused by the closeness, but I had to ignore the fact that they were male- it was not healthy, and created a kind of detachment in me.

Once I started accepting myself as gay - I stopped being capable of feeling that I could have sex with a man again- there is just no point in it for me.

I think the detachment thing is quite common in lesbians who repressed their sexuality- it just comes from not being in touch with your own feelings for so long.

This is what allowed me to go and have sex with men despite feeling at some point repulsed by the idea when I was young- I just repressed all those feelings, and learned to feel ok with it- because I wanted contact, wanted sex with a human- and the idea of it ever being really possible with a woman just did not cross my mind.

I think for "gold star" lesbians- those who did not repress their feelings so strongly & did not go through the process of being detached from their sexuality- it might be difficult to comprehend that people like me would engage in something that is not really "our thing"- but we have effectively silenced that little voice in our head which tells us what feels really 'right' and 'wrong'-and if we have not allowed ourselves to experience what is really true to us- we are not really aware when something feels not completely right- we just learned to ignore all this.

And humans are human- you can still enjoy human contact/ touch/ some intimacy with a person as a person despite being not being sexually attracted to their gender/body as such.