Hello, I am a 20 year old male trying to figure out my sexuality. I however been trying to figure out since high school. Throughout high school I watch a lot of porn and most of it was gay porn. I i told myself I watched it because it was arousing and new which is true. I never pointed out a guy I thought that was attractive in porn. I had a couple of gay fantisies when I watched gay porn also. The thing is I always had a natural attraction to girl s romantically and physically. When I got to college I start to obsess about the things I did in my high school days in terms of getting aroused to gay porn more often than other pornography. I've kissed three girls and I liked it all but I suffer from low self-esteem as question what if I'm really not attracted to them. I even try to force the thoughts that I am in fact gay and I brings me back to the starting point. For a while I thought I was in denial. and i kept telling myself whatever happens I will be ok, my family will support me If i were bi or gay. Social stigma might be an issue but a very small one. I get nervous around attractive looking guys which bring me into depression. i stare at their butts and lips to gauge a reaction and it brings a lot of anxiety upon me. When a girl I like comes around I still feel an attraction towards her. I currently have no sexual fantisies about neither boys unless its some sort of obssession to find my true sexuality and a few about girls. I just need others input of my situation. I'm sorta tormented with my past and it's not letting me move on. Maybe I have some other underlying notions about my sexuality. I would go back and forward with myself about being with guys and or girls romantically and physically and basically go nowhere. If I were gay or bisexual why is it so hard for me to admit. I'm not repressing. I accepted what i did in the past, but i don't feel like I'm growing as a person in terms of my identity. I even tried watching gay porn now while me being completely honest and I couldnt get aroused but i could with lesbain porn. What do you all think?
Forcing something serves no real benefit to you. The reason why I didn't think I was gay back when I was younger was because I wasn't attracted to guys my age, it was always older guys. I watched a lot of gay porn but now it's straight porn. Things have certainly shifted for me, and may/may not happen to you as well. It would be wise not to force anything at this point and just acknowledge things as they are for now.
Can you distinguish sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction? So far, kissing a woman and really enjoying it, can still be aesthetic attraction, since it is your face, not your dick, that is in action. Have you had sexual intercourse with a woman and have enjoyed it fully? If you watch porn and you are genuinely get attracted to like, lesbian sex, for example, or just pictures of woman without feeling anxiety at all. than I think you are close to being bisexual. You do watch gay porn after all and enjoy it. so it's safe to say you have attraction to men at some form, more than someone who is strictly straight. I think it is hard to admit to people that you are gay, or bisexual, because you would possibly have to let go of the notion of ever being with a woman, or the specific woman that know you are gay (if you are). I have fantasies of being with a woman and it's disturbing to think of never being with one, considering I have before, I know what it feels like and it was beautiful, but not sexually satisfying
I like kissing a lot. I like to grind on girls while making out, is that considered sexual? i never had sex with a girl because of my fear of not being able to get it up. ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2015 at 09:33 PM ---------- and I got aroused by gay porn in high school. I watched a lot of stuff in high school . but it doesnt arouse me anymore and I do get aroused by lesbian and straight porn. But i guess i'll figure it out.
