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I am attracted to my dad

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hero1234, Jun 26, 2015.

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  1. Hero1234

    Hero1234
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    Hi. I am new here and this is my first post.
    ALERT: before reading this post, be alert that some of the content of this post might sound extremely disturbing. There is NO graphic content, don't worry! It is just a weird thing to talk about.

    OK, so here it is:
    I am a guy, 31 yrs old. And I have a rather weird/unusual issue.
    It is not that I am gay, or concerned about coming out. It is rather that I have a weird sexual feeling that I feel incredibly guilty about. Here is my story.

    As far as I can remember, the first time I was ever sexually aroused was when I was about 14 or 15. That happened at the sight of my dad's naked "belly". I don't know why I was aroused by that sight, it just happened.
    Of course I immediately tried to forget everything and avoid even the thought of it. But I still can't forget.
    You see, back then, I didn't know much about sexuality. In fact, I didn't know ANYTHING about sexuality. I know this sounds strange, but it is true. I come from a VERY RELIGIOUS family, and sex/love/intimacy simply didn't exist in our social interactions.
    My parents are together by the way, and they never divorced. By my dad was often away from home and absent from my life. And even when he was around, we didn't really talk much.
    Later in life, I tried hard to establish a relationship with my dad (I mean "communication" Not a sexual relationship) but I didn't achieve much success. I think I just didn't know what it was that I wanted from him. Maybe deep down, I just wanted my sexual feelings towards him to disappear but of course I didn't tell him that. Nor did I actually accept that in myself- I mean the fact that I am sexually aroused by him.

    To be honest, I never fully accepted the fact that my dad arouses me sexually until now. I always tried to avoid thinking about it. The fact that I am writing this now, after all these years, is just because I never had the courage to accept this fact about myself before.
    In case you are wondering, I have never had a romantic relationship with anyone before. I have had sex with guys before- mainly chubby older guys with big bellies- but I never successfully managed a relationship with anyone, guy or girl. In fact my whole social relationships is kind of impaired. I almost have no friends. I never hang out with anyone- except my mom and siblings but that doesn't count. That especially doesn't count considering that I live with them in the same house. (I know, it sounds strange but it is just that I still cannot afford to live on my own.)
    I belong to a large family. I am a 3rd, in a house of 1 girl (she is the eldest), and 7 boys. My youngest sibling is now 10 yrs old.
    But I didn't always live at my parent's. After high school, I lived away from home for nearly 9 years. I only came back 4 years ago when I couldn't live on my own anymore.
    Don't worry, my economic situation isn't that bad. Those years that I lived away from my family, I was studying in different colleges and so I was travelling around. But now that I am finally working, I can't afford a housing. Ridiculous, I know.

    What I seek here is not to come out or find a partner. I don't care about having a sexual partner at the moment. Nor do I think that you can only be happy when you have a partner. I am just troubled with the fact that I am attracted to my dad. And I have a suspicion that this "untreated" feeling towards my dad affects my social relationships negatively. What should I do?

    Thanks for reading :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Hero1234, Jun 26, 2015
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  2. Closeteer

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    My two cents:

    I think that feeling coincided with the onset of sexual awakening for you. You shouldn't ascribe self-guilt. You were a kid and it happened. It's not like you had any control over it!

    But why do you feel that this attraction is keeping you from having social relationships with other people? Why are you relating the two?
     
    #2 Closeteer, Jun 26, 2015
  3. Hero1234

    Hero1234
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    Hi. Thanks for posting. And thanks for the wall message as well, though I prefer keeping the conversation here.

    You are right. That experience did coincide with the "onset of sexual awakening in me". (I like how you put it.) And I don't feel guilty about it anymore. I just don't want this feeling to persist, cause it is still there. Everytime I see my dad, looking at his body arouses me. I constantly avoid looking at his belly and try to focus on his eye. I know this is disgusting, I am sorry.
    So while writing about this I thought, maybe I should tell my dad about this. (Don't worry, I am not a crazy guy thinking of having a sexual relationship with his dad.) But I just want to lift this steam. I don't know maybe he can do something to lift this curse off of me.
    In the past, I tried to establish a "relationship" with my dad. I thought becoming "friends" would solve the problem. I didn't know what I really wanted, I was just trying to lift my homosexual feelings (like I said before, I have sexual feelings towards other guys too, sometimes). But now it's different. I don't mind it if I am gay. I don't mind it if I am attracted to other guys. I just don't want to be attracted to my dad specifically. I think it is quite messed up that I find my dad sexy. I mean this is absolutely ridiculous. Am I the only one who has sexual feelings towards one of his parents here???
    I think I am.
    And no, I am not talking about that nice or fuzzy feeling you sometimes have towards your parents. I love my mom, for instance, and at times I was like "this is weird, do I have sexual feelings towards my mom?" No that is NOT it. My sexual feelings towards my dad aren't just a passing doubt or a weird feeling. I am fully aware of it and, like I described above, it was the first sexual feeling I ever had.
    So I don't know. I just think this is messed up and I need to clean it up somehow. I would talk to my dad about this but he kinda hates me. I mean he hates me now after all I have done. (Long story. Doesn't really have anything to do with my sexual feelings or anything. I have just been such a dick for a while and now I am not in a position to ask him any favors :frowning2:
    So anyways, I just thought I'd vent here about it.

    ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2015 at 09:36 AM ----------

    You asked on the wall if I tried therapy, I didn't. I have just fully accepted this issue recently. I really didn't have much time to consider therapy.
    Talking here is a bit like therapy though.
     
    #3 Hero1234, Jun 26, 2015
  4. Iceman110295

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    hmmm maybe one of the reason is because you dont see him as a dad . you probably just see him as a hot guy down the street. because you never had father and son connection. i think you should just talk to him and see if you guy can make the right connection.
    p.s dont be hard on yourself
     
    #4 Iceman110295, Jun 26, 2015
  5. Hero1234

    Hero1234
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    OK, continuing the "weird" discussion:
    So I started thinking about what I would say to my dad if I did end up talking to him about this.
    I know me and my dad have had periods of tension lately and I know it would be REALLY hard to open up with him about this, but let's just assume, for the sake of argument, that I could end up opening up to him, and that he would not be mad at me. What would I say? What is it exactly that I want him to do for me?

    Honestly, when I thought about that, I realized (and this might sound WEIRD or CREEPY, sorry!) that I just wanna play with his belly. I just realized that I NEVER actually fantasize about my dad when I masterbate. NEVER! I didn't lie up there; seeing my dad's belly turns me on. I don't know what to call it. It is a weird, uncomfortable feeling. But I never think of him when I have sexual fantasies. I just cant. It is just not appealing.
    So maybe what I want is just to play with his belly. That I did fantasize about, A LOT. I don't know what to think of it. Maybe it is a "fetish"? I really don't know. But all my fantasies about my dad end up with me playing with his bare belly, blowing on it, maybe even sitting on it.. LOL But that is as far as I can go. I can never look at his genitals for instance- that would be extremely disgusting. I cant even think about that. Nor do I ever dream of being naked in front of him. That is also VERY weird.
    So I don't know. I don't understand why I have this feeling with him.
    I also realized that I don't particularly need- or want- my dad's company either. I am Not looking for his company. I don't necessarily mind it but it is that I miss hanging out with him or getting to know him. In fact, I would say, I don't like hanging out with my dad very much. Not that I hate him, but we are just SOOOOOOOO different. And that is OK. We don't have to be alike.
    So NO, I am not after father-son intimacy or having a connection with him- meaning spending time together.
    But I do want to get to a point where I can touch him easily. I don't wanna feel weird about it. It's purely a physical feeling- there is nothing emotional about it.

    ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2015 at 10:58 AM ----------
    Hey, thanks but no I don't think so. Read my comment above.
    Thanks again for participating. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Hero1234, Jun 27, 2015
  6. Suspector

    Suspector
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    solution: see older men. why? because you are attracted to older men in general
     
    #6 Suspector, Jun 27, 2015
  7. Jax12

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    For as long as I can remember, I've always been attracted to older men. Of course there were some guys my age that were exceptions.

    I like older men because they're hotter in general. I think maturity is what drives me to older men, because the guys my age are not very interesting. I've always seen guys my age as friends so at the moment it just seems weird to think of then more than that.

    I can come up with so many other reasons as to why I'm attracted to older men, but it doesn't matter, I still like older men.
     
    #7 Jax12, Jun 27, 2015
  8. Hero1234

    Hero1234
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    My issue isn't exactly whether or not I am attracted to men older than me. Being attracted to another man, older or younger is fine by me.
    I think my issue is more: why am I attracted to my dad specifically?
    If you think that is normal, so be it; I don't think it is normal. And I don't think it is good to run away from it either.
    And even if this feeling I have towards my dad doesn't really affect/influence my other relationships in any way possible, I would still be concerned about it. And think that it is unhealthy that I have this feeling.
    Of course I am not gonna kill myself over it. It is not like I chose to be sexually attracted to my dad. But it would feel good if I could see what is at the bottom of this.
    And maybe I will never be able to lift this attraction I have to my dad (what do I know. I am not a sex expert). But it still wouldn't hurt if I try.
     
    #8 Hero1234, Jun 27, 2015
  9. Gravity

    Gravity
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    I think the issue lies in a comment you made above, in your first post:

    Now, sex, okay fine - not many people, in fact few, will want to talk about their sex lives (of whatever kind) with their family, and that seems pretty par for the course. However, to say that love and intimacy did not exist in your family is another thing. Even allowing for cultural differences, family difference, and so forth, if you felt like there was a lack of love in your home growing up, I'd say that's a problem. And I don't think it's a stretch to say that it's affecting you now, if you are having trouble forming romantic relationships in your life, and have never really had one, despite (which I gather from the way you talk about it) wanting to do so.

    In a way, it's not surprising for you to have this kind of feeling - if you've had no outlet for sexual feelings (in a romantic context anyway), love, family, intimacy, etc., then I think it's perfectly normal for them to get a bit jumbled up - hence, feeling attracted to your dad specifically. You're trying to establish a relationship with him, and it's taking form in the only way you've so far explored. And even initially, just that sort of jumbling up is very understandable.

    To be honest, I wouldn't talk to your dad about feeling attracted to him. If your relationship is strained as it is, something beyond the pale like that isn't likely to encourage further conversation. I do think you owe it to yourself to try to invest in a parent-child relationship with him, or maybe with other family members, since it's clear that you feel like this is missing. Of course there's the chance that he'll live up to his history, and that relationship won't be forthcoming. But it sounds to me, personally, like this is what you really want, and if it's not forthcoming, then at least confronting those feelings here, in therapy, with close friends you trust, etc., is the thing to do. :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Gravity, Jun 28, 2015
  10. transdeanna

    transdeanna
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    I always have sexual fantasies of my dad,I personally love them! I have never been so aroused in my life!
     
    #10 transdeanna, Oct 5, 2016
  11. Lora

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    Like Gravity, I wouldn't talk to your dad about it. Therapy will be useful for you. Honestly, you need to find out the very root of this with professional help. Only then, you can understand why you are attracted to your dad. Goodluck.
     
    #11 Lora, Oct 6, 2016
  12. I'm gay

    I'm gay
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    After reading this thread, it doesn't sound like to me that you are sexually attracted to your dad. It sounds like you are attracted to his body image/type. If thinking about other aspects of your dad, such as his other body parts and romantic interests with him is a turn off to you, then I think you are just hyper focused on his belly, but that doesn't mean you are attracted to all of him.

    I think you should deal with this in therapy. Don't tell your dad any of this.

    ---------- Post added 6th Oct 2016 at 09:07 AM ----------

    After reading this thread, it doesn't sound like to me that you are sexually attracted to your dad. It sounds like you are attracted to his body image/type. If thinking about other aspects of your dad, such as his other body parts and romantic interests with him is a turn off to you, then I think you are just hyper focused on his belly, but that doesn't mean you are attracted to all of him.

    I think you should deal with this in therapy. Don't tell your dad any of this.
     
    #12 I'm gay, Oct 6, 2016
  13. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    I agree strongly with this opinion.
    Talking with him will probably solve nothing and is very likely to make things worse particularly since you aren't very close.
    You don't seem to be attracted to your father as a person at all, just his body type and the role he fulfills/should fulfill as your father, kinks and attractions like this are not actually that uncommon.
    Talk to a therapist. Your posts imply that the issue you have is not with your father (thus making a talk with him useless in another way) but with yourself and therapists happen to be experts on helping people resolve issues with themselves.

    ---------- Post added 6th Oct 2016 at 08:13 PM ----------
    ...not helping
     
    #13 Cinis, Oct 6, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2016
  14. trojan

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    I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. I hope just venting here on the forum fixes you. I mean so what? Everybody has a weird little fixation on a family member, or at least I do. just have it. I see no reason to tell your dad. What will that accomplish? Just have it and dont worry about it so much. I sort of assume you are not that worried, just venting it here. Just have it, keep it to yourself and go about your life. We all have these meaningless things in our head...dont let it bother you so much.
     
    #14 trojan, Oct 6, 2016
  15. AlmostBlue

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    Yes I agree that I think you are just attracted to your dad's body type/stomach and not to him. Perhaps this fetish or preference was awoken when you first saw your dad's stomach, and tehefore the association and arousal always persisted.

    When I was reading your original post, I was intrigued by how you said you are attracted to your dad, but at the same time you keep on mentioning how weird and gross that is. I thought that if you really did find your dad attractive, then you wouldn't also have this feeling of disgust. Feeling of doing something wrong, maybe, but not disgust. I have a feeling of utter disgust when I think of my father in anyway more than as a father, but you shouldn't be able to identify with that feeling. The fact that you do, to me shows once again that you're not attracted to your father per se, but just to his body type. There is probably a disassociation in your mind between him as a father and him possessing something that triggers your fetish. Maybe the fact that he's always been distant and the lack of emotional connection resulted in you being able to do this.

    Talking to him about it seems incredibly unconstructive at this point. Therapy is a better idea.
     
    #15 AlmostBlue, Oct 6, 2016
  16. TheGreyBetween

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    Isn't there a stage in childhood development where there is some sort of latent attraction for one of the parents? Maybe you are somehow stuck in this phase due to your upbringing and distant relationship with him. I think therapy would probably help a lot to sort this out.

    As someone who has always been attracted to older people, I can relate to feeling weird about it, because it's not seen as normal by other people. The first person I fell in love with was 30+ years my senior and female. Led to all sorts of assumptions by others. And now, I'm involved with someone 21 years older than me, and people are still bothered about it (although less so as I'm 35 myself).

    When I was a teen, I had a brief crush on my aunt. It didn't last very long and she found out about it and was weirded out about it, though she appears to have gotten over it. I always figured I was crushing on her because of lack of options and lack of variety in the people I was around at the time. Personally, I felt weird about it myself so I was glad when I quickly got over it. So I definitely wouldn't tell your dad about your feelings for him, that's not something that's likely to sit well with him.

    So yeah, therapy where you could explore what this means would probably be best. Or if that's not an option maybe self-therapy through journaling and other means of self-exploration to work on why you feel that way.
     
    #16 TheGreyBetween, Oct 8, 2016
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