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Sexual identity issues

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Suspector, Jun 27, 2015.

  1. Suspector

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    Alright so I have long accepted I have some form of attraction to men. But the problem is letting go of liking women that I can't seem to break. I tend to day dream and even lately dream of women. Last night this 28ish year old who is my cousin, (dont worry, she isn't blood related) appeared in my dreams, in this dream she was laying in bed with me completely nude and it felt blissful, it was like we were in love. Realistically speaking since I was a kid I had a crush on her, for whatever reason, she is 5 years older than me.. It was one of those types of things. Maybe I am strange. So, I have been in relationships with women, one specific woman for 3 years before I knew I was sexually gayer than straight, and I've learned what it means to be emotionally in love with a woman, to feel that specific one person up and close. We broke up because I decided to upon realizing I was gay. I felt like it was unfair for her, although at the same time, idk, It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done and feels like the worst decision I have ever done. I mean, she was a best friend and lover. Sexually we got by, I liked it because it was her, and sometimes had to force myself to get into it, but it felt good at the end. she just felt good. I was mostly just in love with her personality and who she was. So yeah, even though I am sexually more gay, I love a woman, still. Which really sucks, I have no problem with being gay, but for these reason I wish I could be truly sexually into women, like I am to cock. I will never meet another person who hits me deep like she has (it feels like)

    and so,
    I am having a problem liking men. I don't feel emotionally drawn to them whatsoever. Not only that but I can't even get into mens faces, besides a very, very small amount. It's a serious problem because it is effecting my happiness. I just don't ever feel like I can look at most guys in a romantic sense. Even extremely good looking ones.

    It's hard to think as well that I will never be able to be with certain women who I have these very real crushes on at times. I almost don't trust myself to not just lie, and to be with one of them because I would very much want to be. I have read reports and I don't think this is related to me wanting to 'show off' to the public, I believe at home at night I very much like the emotional, cuddly, affectionate, lovey dovey, companionship of a woman. I have been with a man over night, and it felt good but at the same time, it didn't feel like a replacement for a womans touch.

    So I don't really know what to do. When I masturbate I like to think really only about the mens ass and dick. Anything else really doesn't turn me on, and many times, thinking of a mans face with the dick/cock is an extreme turn off. Thinking of a womans vagina is a turn on, but it's a strange type of turn on, I don't think I could be rock solid during intercourse like I would be with a man, but I would like to 'taste' a woman, depending on how emotionally connected I am with them, and how hot they are. Sorry if that sounds creepy, I am trying to map out my feelings, and get some advice.
     
  2. Suspector

    Regular Member

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