Help. I do not know whats going on with me. I am trans* (female to male) and on hormone replacement therapy. Since then, I have stopped bleeding, which is nice. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, and Im on meds for it. I lost my appetite and I've lost weight. From what the doctor has found, it could be related to my adrenal glands. I have been managing alright, while fighting off thoughts of suicide and trying to keep from being depressed. I found a new job, which was better than my old one. However, I noticed something. different. I honestly not that attracted to my girlfriend, and for some reason, other girls. Im just… not into them that much. I don't know why. I just can't find myself naturally attracted to her. She lives 800 miles away, and we've been together for about a year. She told me that she'd be afraid of losing me. I'm scared to tell her anything. Because of that, I feel scared and guilty that I don't find myself attracted. its… weird. On the other hand, I found myself liking guys. Some of my new crushes are guys. I've found quite a few guys to be… hot. I often caught myself fantasizing about them, and their… things. I dated boys before I transitioned, and I actually kind of liked it. I wanted to be masculine, so I thought I was a lesbian, in which I felt I had to assert to feel confident. I have a hard time figuring this out. Not sure what to do, what this means, how to tell her and how to handle it. Im scared and don;t know what I should do. Help. Please.
another thing I want to add is that I still feel love for my girl, but I feel so strongly towards guys. I need help with figuring this out. I don't know what to do, what to tell her and how to tell her.
Well since you seem to care for her, it would be worth it to continue, right? Perhaps your attraction is at a low point, but I think that might mean you've just got to get back to why you love her! Don't worry about having crushes on other people; she lives so far away that it's going to be impossible not to, imo. Are you more afraid of liking just boys or other people? Sometimes, my own interests in different genders/sexes wane, but they always seem to come back eventually.
Its hard to explain. but I feel guilty for not loving her as much as I should. She's 800 miles away and comes online every few days.
When I visited her, I felt a pull toward her and I was attracted to her, a well as guys. Sometimes I feel it with her, sometimes I don't. Thats whats confusing. Im not sure what to do.