Hey, So about a year ago I seriously started to question my sexuality. But I still kind of tried to ignore every hint. After bottling up everything I guess now comes the time where I just can’t ignore it anymore. Growing up I always just assumed that I was straight. I had crushes on guys so everything was ok. But if something was about to start with a guy, I always chickened out. I had moments when I thought I might be gay but ignored them cause I was just too afraid I guess. So it stayed way back in my mind. In university I met my now boyfriend (5 years). Again it was hard for me at the beginning of the relationship to commit. But I love him and he is my absolute best friend. A year ago I kind of started to notice everything lesbian. On TV, books, on the street, internet etc. And I liked it. When I let myself think about the possibility that I might be bi or gay I noticed things about myself. For example in retrospect I have to admit that I was pretty much in love with one of my best friends. I was always jealous of other people spending time with her and after we had a falling out, I was just devastated for weeks. And she was not my only girl crush. So yesterday I told my boyfriend about me questioning my sexuality and he really understood me and just wants me to be happy. He is ok with me exploring and understands that I have to find out for myself. So I guess I am definitely attracted to women but I’ve never been with one. So I guess I would like to find out if I prefer it to being with a man or if it feels the same to me. And if I would prefer it is my boyfriend really just my best friend? But even though I have the ok from my bf it is still a weird idea for me and I don’t want to hurt him. I am pretty shy and have very low self-esteem. Where would I meet someone? And I actually can only get involved with someone I have feelings for. And that would not be fair to anyone involved. So I am deciding between finding out and hurting someone on the way or always questioning myself. I guess I would really appreciate some help because at the moment I am driving myself kind of crazy.
Hello first of all, just take a deep breath. It is incredibly good that you have a supporting bf. But know that you will end up hurting him more if you decide to stay with him by trying to not hurt him. How is your sex life with him? I think the exploration side of women is a bit scary and dangerous, because I feel like the first time may not always be it. Its gonna feel foreign, maybe exciting cause its new. i think you have to go ahead and try it because it is going to drive you crazy, kind of like it is driving me crazy. you can meet people through dating sites. I like you can also only get involved with people i have feelings for, which is incredibly ugh.. just horrible because it can just experimentation. There is gonna be feelings... sorry for being rambly. I guess, the last answer to your question is that you have to go and find out, as time passes you are going to question it more and more, and you wont be able to take it and maybe end up hurting him worse. (finding out when ur married for example) you deserve it, you need it, and you want it too. Its easier said thaan done, and i (being single) have not even experimented, because finding women is so HARD!
Hi, I guess at the moment I am just really afraid of everything. I am afraid of changing my whole life. But I am also afraid of not finding out. I know that sooner or later I just have to do something about it. But I am not so sure about dating sites. Makes me feel a little uncomfortable... The sex life is I guess ok. Though my sex drive is not that high and I am wondering if I am just missing something. Kind of always thought that there is just something wrong with me. Unfortunately I don't have any close friends I could talk to or gay friends that could help me. And I am very uncomfortbale going places alone... So I guess it might be very hard finding women...
Hello Houdini, I with you am there with the fear factor. My world has completely changed, the thought has consumed me, and I AM TERRIFIED. Scared of change, scared of disappointment, scared of what I thought was gonna be and may not end up being. In a way i wish i never questioned, and maybe just found someone who made me realize. Unfortunately, that has not happened for me. Now I am left confused, lonely, and i cant talk to anyone either. You may be across the world from me but I am thinking of you and you are not alone. Talking to people may help but in the end the answer lies in your heart. Even though i agree with the heart sentiment, of following it. I am too rationale to let that dictate everything. Everything i thought i wanted, and that was meant for me.
It definitely feels good to know that I am not alone and it is a good start to talk with someone about everything. But you are right at the end I have to just go with my heart and see where it leads me. Thanks
