1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Lesbian/Asexual or ... ?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by peggy00, Jun 28, 2015.

  1. peggy00

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi guys :slight_smile: I've recently started to question my orientation and I really need some advice.I'
    m 19 years old girl and I'm a virgin.I always felt weird being around boys(except friends,I'm super fine with friends who are boys),I've never had a relationship in my life.During my first 2 years of high school,I used to party a lot and I kissed with boys/had oral sex/was touched by them and two of them tried to have sex with me but it was unsuccesfull,because I just couldn't do that.I always felt horrible and very uncomfortable during that or I had to be extremely drunk to be fine with doing such a things.But even when I was drunk,I felt so uncomfortable.(Don't judge me,I was a stupid little girl and tried to be same as her friends:grin:).Weird thing is that I was in love with 2 boys(not in the same tay)during those time.(At least I think I was).Like i wanted to be romantically involved with them.I just hate when guys touch me. It never came to my mind when I was younger that I might be a lesbian/asexual/whatever..

    Time has changed and I grew up and stopped partying.Since then I wasn't involved with a single boy and I feel like I don't even want to and I can't imagine being with a boy.I used to watch porn with heterosexual couples but I always skipped the parts with sexual intercouse.Now I watch just lesbian porn and I really like it.I was even dreaming about having sex with girl from my class and sometimes I'm daydreaming about being with a girl.It's easier for me to imagine relationship with a girl than with a boy.But I've never met a girl who I would like/want to make out with.I never had a feeling like"Yes,I want to be with that girl"or "I feel like I really like her,I'm probably lesbian then".I never felt anything like that.As I said,I used to have feeling like that(except the making out)with boys,when I was younger but it didn't happen for last 2,5 years either.

    I'm really really confused.I don't know if I like boys and just don't want to have sex and therefore I'm asexual heterosexual or If I'm lesbian or something else.I don't think I'm asexual because I'm often horny and I masturbate quite a lot.I just hate when guys touch me.I can't stand it. Do you have any suggestions/opinions/anything...? I'll be grateful for every advice.Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're not asexual, at least, not from what you described, if you're using the widely accepted definition.

    Most likely, simply because you're still in the exploration phase, there's a part of you that struggles with letting go of being straight, and that's inhibiting your attraction for women.

    As we go through the process of dealing with any loss, there are stages... denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. And during that process, your attraction and arousal can be affected.

    Nobody other than you can know what you are. But from what you describe, it does seem that you're more attracted to girls than guys. I think if you give it time, sit with it, and just sort of slowly let the feelings work their way out, you'll continue to get more comfortable with the idea of attraction to women.