Hi everyone, I'm a 24 year old guy from the UK, and I'm about to open up about something I've kept hidden away for a long time. Ever since a young (prepubescent) age I had an urge to wear my sisters underwear. It excites me. This urge disappeared for some years until I discovered masterbation in my early teens, where is get a huge thrill of raiding my sisters closet. I have never felt like I wish I was a girl.. I very much feel like a man, but I have the fantasy of being a sexy woman and having sex with men. This fantasy has caused me so much worry over the years, trying to deny my urges etc, worrying that I might be gay. I have absolutely no issues with gay people, but I don't want to be gay. Ever since I was a young boy I have had crushes on females. A huge desire to be in a romantic relationship with females. And desires to be with beautiful women. I sometimes feel like my sexual fantasies about what I described are more frequent than my hetro fantasies. I also have never had a girlfriend, but I also massively lack self esteem. I had a one night stand with a girl once, but was incredibly nervous and was unable to get hard.. Which then manifested itself into servere sexual anxiety. It was a humiliating experience quite frankly.. Thanks for those who took the time to read this.. Any advise is greatly appreciate it
Oh, man... Don't worry, that's the first thing. The second thing is that by what you are describing you seem to be a bisexual. But who cares about stupid labels... What I would suggest is to really go into yourself and think about everything... You can either choose more spiritual approach (start discussing life and sex with smarter people, travel, and think about life, read philosophy) or a more conventional one (go to a therapist, deal with your sexual anxiety, than find a girl, do it properly, start having sex, and than you can explore it with a guy)... The little details about your sister's underwear, seem to be specific and you can really use a therapist in this situation. Explore your past and childhood, the good old Freudian way, and you'll realize it is only a stupid fixation. Concerning the homosexual feelings, if you find out that you only have them, than you can start a journey of exploring homosexuality, if not, than as a bisexual you can really choose whom to be with. It is the best case scenario. If you are straight, but because of sexual anxiety you've started projecting some kind of homo-eroticism than you just need to fix your overall psyche. It is not only about sex. You should hone your social skills, let go of bad memories and fears, transform, get braver, stronger... The self-confidence will rise higher, and then a series of changes can take place... We are all screwed and life is hard. But that doesn't mean it has to be like that for you! All the best!
Thanks for the reply! I have often thought of myself as bi, although I don't want a emotional relationship with any man I really don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff irl with any therapist. Although I feel like my sexual anxiety has ruined my life! Although I don't know where to seek help for this. There have been several occasions over the years, 2 or 3 specifically where a girl was actually touching me you-know-where and nothing happened.. I just stayed limp.. I've spent a lot of time thinking about those times and one thing that keeps coming to my mind is 'you must be gay'... And because of those times, I've avoided situations where I may have sexual experiences with girls. I remember once a girl actually said to me 'do you want to have sex' and I just laughed it off like she was joking, but inside I was just so scared, afraid that I wouldn't be able to get an erection and I'll be humiliated yet again. My mother even asked if I was gay once, and she seemed convinced I was/am because I never bring girls home or have any girlfriends All these things, along with genuine sexual fantasies, has manifested further into depression.. Which only recently I am connecting the dots as to why I feel so low sometimes
