quick question for lesbians/gays :)

I would be interested in hearing some people comment on this, as I wonder the same thing!

I tried online dating recently, and I wonder if some women wouldn't speak to me because my label was bi.

 

Unfortunately, there will be people who think negatively of it. But those people aren't worth you're time anyway, and there will be plenty of other people who won't be bothered in the slightest. I don't think I can accurately say if there are more people who will be accepting than unaccepting, or vice versa. I can only speak for myself and say that someone being bi or pan wouldn't make me less interested in them.

 

I consider myself 100% gay, but my partner's sexuality is irrelevant to me.

The only thing that turns me off is attitude. I would only refuse to date bi girls if they were saying "everyone is bi to some extent", "only heterosexual sex is real sex", and so on and so forth. However, some lesbians can have bad attitudes too. So all that matters to me is that our beliefs match.

 

It depends on the person you are trying to date level of insecurity. Some women only want to date gold star lesbians that have never been with a man, and will not date Bi/Pan women because they are afraid(key word is afraid) that the woman will leave them for a man. This is extremely insecure. If you go into a relationship thinking that your partner will cheat or leave you for someone else, either gender, then you need to see someone to get your head on straight, because you will drive that other person away with your insecurity and lack of trust.

Aside from this, anyone who tells you this is NOT worth your time anyhow, find the girl that is into you and will give your relationship a fair shot.

 

I find it quite horrifying to me that many gay people (especially lesbians) look down upon bisexual people. I personally do not think that way nor would I ever. In fact, for some reason, I seem to be attracted to more bisexual girls than gay girls, even though I identify as a lesbian!

 

I'm far more concerned with who a person is, and if we are compatible, than what that person's sexuality is. As others have said, it seems like those who do worry about things like this have insecure hangups that will likely get in the way of any relationship, regardless of orientation. It's sad to me that women from one marginalized group would discriminate against women from another (very similar) group. It just doesn't make sense.

 

I identify as pansexual and I have wondered the same thing. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

 

We need to remember that bigotry occurs even in LGBT communities. On at least couple occasions i heard homosexual people claiming bisexuals were just confused, and that one day their sexual preference will clarify. The lack of understanding is a bit weird to me in those cases, i mean, you would expect gay people would be the ones to understand how condescending it may seem. Fortunately, majority is much more open.

 

i haven't exactly helped with the whole misconception that people who identify as bi are in denial or confused about their real orientation; in my case, it's turned out to be true. but i'm attracted to intelligence and personality; whether someone is gay or bi or pan has no bearing on my feelings. i'll echo what has already been mentioned here - fear of being left for someone else is based in insecurity, and that's an issue which has little to do with sexuality.

 

The thing about "bisexual" is that it is a vague term. It could mean 'bisexual with strong preference for the opposite sex', or it could mean 'bisexual with strong preference for the same sex', or it could mean anything in between. For obvious reasons, I wouldn't date someone with a strong preference for the opposite sex. And at the other end of the spectrum are people whose behavior is indistinguishable from that of a gay person - that is, they only seek out same-sex partners, yet still identify as bisexual. To me, those people are still closeted and are clinging to a label that doesn't really describe them. I wouldn't date a gay man who calls himself straight, and neither would I date a gay man who calls himself bisexual.

 

Just want to add that I think the lesbian community is full of assholes in general. Even if someone were an actual lesbian, they would still be rejected from the community if they dated/slept with men in the past before knowing their sexuality. Basically, any lesbian that is disgusted or prejudice against bisexual women also feels the same about lesbians with male experience, so I wouldn't even bother with those specific people in general.

And you kind of can't win with them either way. They tell bi women that they "need to pick a side" and "they're secretly gay in denial". But when a bi woman calls herself gay to fit in instead, the same people get angry because "gay women don't like men, ever" and "you're appropriating our label". It's pretty sad how many lesbians have to fit an angry stereotype.

 

I'm not fussed about whether I date a lesbian or a bi girl. And honestly I know very, very few lesbians, virtually all the queer women I know are bi.

 

I don't have to agree with how other people label themselves. If I see a guy call himself straight, yet he has sex with other guys and has a grind(e)r account, why should I have to pretend that he isn't closeted? And similarly, if a guy calls himself bisexual, yet shows no interest in women, why should I have to pretend that he isn't gay? People can label themselves however they want. I'm not going to hold them down and force them to adopt my labeling system, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to pretend like the closet doesn't exist. It does. And I don't want to be with a closeted person.

It is not similar. That person would be arguing that everyone is bisexual. I, on the other hand, never said that everyone is either straight or gay. I said that there are closeted gay people who call themselves straight and there are also closeted gay people who call themselves bisexual. I would not date someone that is in the closet.

 

Why the fuck would I be afraid a bisexual girl would go back to guys. Like seriously? If the relationship wasn't meant to be it won't be! But I do have a problem with guys hitting on my hypothetical girlfriend thinking they can get with her because she's bisexual. I would probably knock a few of them out. Very disrespectful towards my girlfriend and I.

As long as she's cute and what I'm looking for in a woman I won't care if she's had past relationships with guys. Just don't tell me the details about your previous Hetero sex life *gags*

 

@Fallingdown7 -- lmfao at your whole post. Lesbians are so freaking annoying. I wish I could slap every dumb straight girl who's like, "I wish I was a lesbian - it would be so much easier." NO. SO MUCH HARDER! SO MUCH JUDGEMENT! SO MUCH PICKINESS!

Also, I want to slap all the straight girls saying they're gay for Ruby Rose... am I right?

@Fern -- this was such a good topic to bring up! I have to say that sometimes I only want someone who identifies as lesbian, but it is definitely insecurity, thinking that a bi chick would go "back" to men. It's a false sense a security, though -- just because someone is without-a-doubt lesbian doesn't mean she won't leave you anyway. Hell, there are way more gorgeous women in this world than gorgeous men...or is that my gay speaking?...either way, I'm happy to see peoples' opinions on this. I think if some women are looking for that perfect lesbian that has never been with a guy and never finds men attractive, they're just being super knit picky. I fell for someone who was a younger pan virgin -- I didn't give a damn about the way she identified or anything else, I mean a little, but nothing to make me not want to make out with her/marry her.

And that's the story of how I found out I was gay.