Confused and afraid

Hmm. I feel like you sound like you're really hung up on the distant future right now...a lot of "marriage" talk...plus kids. I guess my only advice would be to not stress so much about who you'll marry somewhere down the road, and just focus on who makes you happy right now. It sounds like you might only want a relationship with a guy because that has maybe been what you've imagined as your future your whole life to far (ie marrying a guy, having biological kids, etc). I would say for right now maybe allow yourself to imagine being in a relationship with a girl (dont even go so far as to imagine marriage/kids with them...just a relationship right now). If that sounds like something you'd be interesting in pursuing then do so...I think you'll know pretty soon after trying it out for a bit if it's something you like.

Also I think if it IS something you like, you'll quickly change you idealisms about marriage and biological kids. There are so many options out there now a days for kids...don't worry about that right now I'd say...

Sorry if that isn't too helpful...but I was in a similar position a few years back and now I'm 100% open to IVF or adoption. just keep your mind open as far as kids for the time being and allow yourself to figure out who you are/what you want in a partner I guess..

 

Hey KateyKins...
this is how i was feeling very strongly initially, and still do. The normal, versus the scary what if... i dont have much words since I like you am still questioning but i need to tell you that you are not going through this alone. A few things you have to think about is... is it the idea of being in a straight relationship not feel right? Because if thats the case that could tell you a lot about where your sexuality stands.. In my regards, thats how it kind of became clarity. However, i am also rational and have felt that maybe i havent found the right guy. Post again to this thread, and please know that you are not alone. Also btw: what age are you? if you are in the teen spectrum, dont stress about the future too much.

 

i have been through this before. then i found out that i was bi. this how uu can know what yu are:kiss a girl and boy. if yu like both yur bi, if u liked the girl then yur lesbian, and if yu liked the guy than yur straight.

 

^^ not necessarily. It's so much more than that to me. Please don't walk up to people and kiss them lol wouldn't want to hurt that pretty face of yours. In all serious, there are a lot of different ways to decide your sexuality in reality I can't tell you how to find out, you'll do that on your own. Trust me. Different things work all the time, I've tried everything including " the 7-day straight and gay" challenge. Didn't work. Haha but if you think you're holding back, you're holding back. . When I had my first run in with a girl crush- I was so scared for the same reasons you are now. I wanted to get married to a man, have the 2.5 kids with a white picket fence house and the dog. I still want that too, for my kids to mine but it's so far down the line I try to just see where live takes me. You should try that too. Sure, everyone or at least most girls wanted that and I came from a conservative background so I still want that but sometimes we can't control everything. We can't control who we fall in love with and we can't control our future. That will be one unhappy future if you don't be truthful with yourself. Sure, you'll have the husband and kids but in your heart you'll feel that something is wrong and you don't want to wake up 10 years from now and realize that. Be honest and know that you'll find a way and everything will be fine in the end.

 

Try not to worry too much about the future. There are so many days that I regret locking myself in a relationship too early. It's not that I'm unhappy - I definitely landed with the right person - but I feel like I may have missed out on some of the "sowing my wild oats" stuff.

 

Yeah it is a bit isolating the questioning of it all , cause it is so different. But try to be strong!(*hug*) if you need any more help lemme know

 

I can kind of see where you are coming from. I am bi so I guess I could always have the typical path of getting married with a man and having kids with him, but to be honest I absolutely don't want to get married to a man, I still want kids yet I don't really want the father/husband figure in there. It's weird and I feel selfish for that (even though it's most likely due to my relationship with my own father and men in general) but the thought of me raising kids the traditional way as in with a man doesn't even remotely make me feel happy.

But when I think about a woman I can picture myself marrying her and raising kids with her, yet the whole having to go through IVF and stuff scares me as it makes the whole process so much more complicated/expensive. I am only 19 though so have heaps of time to find someone ( man or woman) to build a life with. I do feel that when you are in love everything just makes more sense and become less scary. Cause a year ago I totally was head over heels for a man and I could totally see myself in the long term with him so who knows.

I guess my advice to you is don't stress out, once you'll find the one it will all make sense and know that if that person happens to be a woman you can still have biological kids (through IVF with a sperm donor) etc...