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Bisexuals, is this normal?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BiKate, Jul 2, 2015.

  1. BiKate

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    Ok guys, so recently I discovered I also like girls. I already know I like guys, I've been in love with a guy and I find them attractive.
    I knew I found women attractive and had a couple of girls who I liked more than is normal for a straight girl, but didn't really question it until a couple of months ago.

    Since I've accepted it, it'll like I've opened these flood gates and all I can think about is women. I find men physically attractive, but right now have no interest in being with men again. I want to date women. When I first started accepting I liked girls I thought "Alright, but it's like for every girl I find attractive enough to want to date, there's about twenty guys" But now it's the other way around. I guess I spent years noticing women and then immediately saying to myself "Stop staring, you're straight silly".
    I feel like my straight guy friends from when I was 14 must of felt. I'm just always thinking about women. The other day a woman I work with who must be in her forties now (Personally too old for me at this age to usually even consider, since she could be my mother) got a hair cut. And it's like that hair cut just made me notice her and see her in a different way. Sorry for too much information but I couldn't stop sexual thoughts about her popping up in my head :icon_redf. And I just could not get her out of my head. Which was weird, because like I said, she's out of my age range, but maybe some of those feelings have been repressed or something? I've never really looked at men or women like that unless they were closer to my age. It's like I'm obsessed with women at the moment.

    So yeah. Thought I preferred guys at first, but since accepting that I really do like women, I've lost interest in guys. I still find them nice to look at, but I'd rather date and be with women. Also very physically attracted to them, more than I was before I acknowledged my sexuality. But like I said, I have liked guys and even been in love with a guy. In my past relationship with a guy (2 years long) I didn't feel like there was anything missing (other than trust :rolle: ). So I know I like guys and I'm not a lesbian.

    Is this normal when you just discover that you're bi? Or any other sexuality other than straight? Will things calm down after a while so that I'm not thinking about other women quite so much? And is it likely that I have a preference for women, or will I have to wait a few months to really know and figure it out?
    Has anyone else experienced this?

    Sorry if none of this made sense, I just I'm still a bit confused haha
     
  2. Linthras

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    Some bisexual people experience a continuous shift in their preference for guys or girls.
    So yea, it's not strange to discover your bi or that your preference has changed.
    The point is that there's nothing wrong with any of it and you should not be worried if your preference changes sometimes. Just because you might be more into one gender, doesn't mean you're meet someone of the other gender that you really fall for/are sexually attracted to.
     
  3. Jax12

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    This is me actually. After acknowledging my same sex attractions, my attractions to guys have been stronger and become my preference. Before I only wanted women, but now I want men more than ever. However there are times when my attractions may shift, and I have an overwhelming fear of being the gay guy that marries a woman.
     
  4. Lin1

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    It's actually exactly how I feel. I admitted my bisexuality not so long ago and it's been like a revelation to me, I don't know if that's excitement to finally know and re-discover myself but I completely shifted my interest, a couple month ago I was obsessed with guys (more because I was expected to be than because I was actually genuinely interested) and now all I can think about are girls. It may fade with time and switch back to guys but I actually think being with a women makes much more sense to me than being with a man and my attraction to them is just much more natural.
    like for example I always said I didn't want to get married, but I actually would have no problem being married to a woman, I just don't want to marry a man. I can't picture myself with a guy any more and I realize that I never could picture myself with one in the long term it almost sounds hellish to me. I am not a lesbian cause I still find them very attractive but it's like they don't compare ? As in the whole package isn't worth it anymore compare to women ? haha I don't know. Maybe I am going crazy but it somehow make sense to me. Actually I am very glad I am bisexual.

    Not sure if my post made any sense to you at all but was just to say that you aren't alone. :wink:
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    This sounds just like me - as if I could have written it myself. I'm going through the same thing: never being mindfully into females, being into one, and now it's like I'm going through a whole other kind of puberty, raging hormones thing. And now that I say that, I must admit, I don't remember ever going this nuts over and looking at guys -- brain explosion--.

    I've always dated men. I had two long term relationships with men, one that I feel I loved in some sort of young, puppy-love-ish way. However, I've also always been acutely aware of female's attractiveness, and imagined it was me picking out girls I wished to look like, not look at. I also remember rationalizing this in my head at points because I would probably be looking a little TOO hard at them for my own comfort sometimes -- another brain explosion --.

    I also still find men attractive. I think it's a masculinity thing, which I also happen to like in females -- femme androgynous/femme gender fluid/femme and tom boyish are my jam when it comes to girls. They, to me, are like the whole package. I've said it on here already and I'll say it again! Ruby Rose...she is my ideal (I have very realistic expectations, I know). I would pick her over any guy, any day...now. Did I ever think I'd be saying that before? Nope! Once I realized and acknowledged I was in fact into a female (because there was once just a one), I realized I was into a type of female, and then females, and sometimes males - but now it's like a female makes more sense, like you say. I feel like it's almost always made sense, and that one trigger just made me have to face those facts/feel those feels.

    I feel like, at this point, the only thing that freaks me out is thinking about marrying a female. Like I couldn't imagine a wedding with two brides in dresses -- with Ruby in a suit, yeah, a little more - but that freaks me out. I guess that would be the difference. I can picture marrying a guy, but not a girl...but I think that might, unfortunately, just be years of heteronormativity pushed down my throat. In the long run, the female thing FEELS right, even if to me, it doesn't seem to look quite right. But that might also be because I'm not in love with anyone. When I had my trigger crush and was around her, I was ready for marriage, kids and all that!

    So the moral of my long comparative story is, I think people like us just have to see who's thrown at us next, and be open to it. :slight_smile:
     
  6. ATtappman

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    The same thing happened to me. - It's totally normal. Your attractions to both guys and girls will fluctuate and change - sometimes you'll be way more attracted to one than the other. When I talked to my therapist about this she made an analogy to reassure me which totally made sense;

    If you've never seen the color blue before, and then suddenly you see it, it'll be shocking. There was probably blue AROUND before, but you never noticed it until now. And suddenly, there's a whole new color! You're going to immediately pay attention every time you see it. You'll probably look for MORE blue things. But eventually it'll even out - who knows, blue might be your favorite color in the end.

    Lol, sorry if that made absolutely no sense to you. XD
     
  7. Nekobi

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    Most people with different sexual preferences (other than hetero) don't realise it until later on in their life, I guess it's just the way most of us are raised, not having other sexual preferences explained to us. I didn't even know being gay or lesbian etc even existed until I was about 8 or 9 and I wasn't aware a person could be transgender etc till I was about 12 (I think, don't quote me on that one, I can't remember.)

    But I know, like everyone else said, a lot of Bi's tend to swap back and forth with their main preference. You may eventually adjust to preferring one more over the other all the time, or you may just keep swapping back and forth forever. Either way it's totally normal. :3
     
  8. burossamu

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    100% normal. sounds to me like after you accepted yourself, suddenly women were on the menu (insert lenny face here). like.. if you went to a restaurant a lot, and always ordered the same thing because you didn't want to risk not liking something. then one day you're feeling particularly ballsy and order something a little more risky than normal. then: you like it. it's really, really good. so for a while after that, that's all you order. eventually it evens out and you alternate between the two dishes, or maybe you still have a preference for one or the other, but whatever dude, it's your life.
    you just just probably start visiting more restaurants though.
     
  9. MetalRice

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    It's completely normal, sexuality is fluid and you can find your preferences shift from time to time; nothing wrong with it.
     
  10. fern

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    sounds like others are saying this as well - but i know it's nice to here strength in numbers haha - this is also me :slight_smile: once i acknowledged that i'm attracted to women a few years ago, i'm soo much more aware of the fact that actually for every one guy i find attractive, i find about 20 women attractive, if not more.
     
  11. Jax12

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    My attractions/preferences change a lot as well... I'm starting to think I'm more bisexual than gay... It's almost like I'm being indecisive about my attractions. I do prefer guys over girls, though.
     
  12. colorblind

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    Really lovely to see how many of us are feeling this way. Yes, this is exactly how I feel too. I think it is very confusing. One day I am thinking about women and all their beauty and I just wanna swim in that beauty and all the men just seem so not interesting. But then another day all my sexual energy is about the men and I think of myself being with one. If you look at the positive, it doesn't get boring and you are open to surprises.

    I can't wait to explore this more. Accepting myself as not straight, possibly bisexual, has really opened a lot of doors for me. It makes me more open to other people and all kinds of different identities. Because, fuck all these boxes, let's break 'em an swim in this beautiful ocean of diversity.
     
  13. BiKate

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    Wow, thank you to each and every one of you that have replied! I feel normal now haha, and I feel like it all makes sense. Thanks everyone!
     
  14. Lin1

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    @YeahIpIdk it's funny isn't it how this part of us has been there all our life and when we start to notice it and embrace it we just wonder how on earth hadn't we noticed all the signs before because now everything falls into place and just make a ton more sense... :icon_bigg

    @BiKate you are absolutely normal, don't worry. :thumbsup:
     
  15. MetalRice

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    @BiKate No problem.
     
  16. QuecksilverEyes

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    My preference changes from week to week, actually. Some days I'm more into guys, some days I'm more into girls.
    But shortly after I came out, I experienced the same thing you do. I think it was just the fact that now I could date girls without having a bad feeling about it, or just look after them and make up scenarios. It wasn't tau anymore and along with the revelation came all the attraction I always had for girls.
    After a while, it got better and now I'm in this strange state of fluctuating all the time.
     
  17. HelloSweetie

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    That sounds a lot like what I felt soon after I first accepted that I'm bi, it was kinda like the floodgates had opened, my feelings for women were pretty frenzied too. I'm pretty sure that I like men and women fairly equally now, maybe with a preference for men. It's nice to know from all the other responses that this is pretty normal!!
     
  18. YeahpIdk

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    I've actually started to find a lot of humor in it. Like if I think about something and it's just super obvious or not so straight, I laugh. Sometimes in shock, but at least I laugh! :slight_smile:
     
  19. Jax12

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    This is me. It fluctuates a lot, but I think this fluctuation is what makes me bisexual and not gay/straight.
     
  20. Wolf of The Baltic

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    Dear friend

    I personally have been in your shoes before, recently as well. I had dated a guy called william for a long time. We broke up on good terms and still are friends. But a few weeks I saw this girl named Bri and I found very attractive something I hadn't felt in forever. It toke me sometime to figure things out(2 months). I personally think it's just normal. You are just getting used to being bisexual. You'll level out when you want. If you need anything ask away.

    With love,
    Wolf of the Baltic