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I feel ready to come out, but I'm not 100% sure what label to use?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jessi rose, Jul 2, 2015.

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  1. jessi rose

    jessi rose
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    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I know that sounds like a stupid question because obviously only I can decide what label fits me best, but I'm just not sure.

    I realised that I liked girls a year ago and started thinking of myself as bisexual, however I always leaned way more towards girls than guys. In the last week I've been considering whether or not I'm a lesbian because when I really think about it I don't feel comfortable with being in a relationship or having sex with a guy, BUT I can still look at some guys and think that they're attractive.

    I wouldn't want to offend anyone who identifies as a lesbian and is solely attracted to women by calling myself one when I still find some guys attractive (though it is pretty rare).

    Does anyone have any advice on this? Should I just go with what I'm most comfortable with? Would it be offensive to refer to myself as gay if I sometimes find the opposite sex physically attractive?

    Also, I apologise if there's already a thread that's similar to this.
     
    #1 jessi rose, Jul 2, 2015
  2. Miko

    Miko Guest

    Go for whatever you're most comfortable with. You can appreciate the male form without being attracted to it romantically or sexually, since it's only romantic/sexual orientation you can go for whatever you feel fits best, I'd call you a lesbian from what you've said but it's up to you. ^-^
     
    #2 Miko, Jul 2, 2015
  3. benefit25

    benefit25
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    Hi Jesse,

    unless you are completely sure about that label dont worry too much about it and you can just tell people that you are questioning. Maybe you should separate what type of attraction you feel towards men, vs women. and have a more clear vision. for me i am heteroromantic homosexual, which means i prefer relationship with men, but i can only be physically and sexuually attracted to women
     
    #3 benefit25, Jul 2, 2015
  4. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
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    Out to everyone
    Thinking guys are attractive is different from being attracted to them. You might be a lesbian.

    But yes, obviously, decide for yourself. ^^
     
    #4 YuriBunny, Jul 2, 2015
  5. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    As YuriCore and Miko said, lesbians can still find guys attractive, but that doesn't mean they're physically or sexually attracted to them. For example, if I see a guy with a six pack I look at him and think "whoa he's been working out! He looks good!" but nothing more :wink:
     
    #5 fxngirl, Jul 2, 2015
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    I agree with the previous posters. A lot of gay or lesbian people can see the beauty, appeal, or attractiveness of an opposite-sex person, but they have no real interest in having sex with them.

    It might also be helpful to know that sexuality isn't a binary or trinary, but more of a continuum. So a lot of people who label as "gay" or "lesbian" may, in fact, have a bit of opposite-sex attraction.

    Some people try to argue that there are separate romantic and sexual attractions, or various other unrecognized labels, but there's no data, nor support among credible professionals, for any of that... so in general, those labels usually aren't helpful. The overwhelming majority of the population fit into the labels that have been documented, researched, and used for 70+ years, and from what you're describing, I'd be inclined to think you probably fit just fine into the "lesbian" category.

    Of course... only you can know what the right label is. As others have said, it's not really something to stress over. If you give it time, I think you'll find the answer coming to you. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Chip, Jul 2, 2015
  7. biAnnika

    biAnnika
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    I put it this way in another recent thread (with very minor edits):

     
    #7 biAnnika, Jul 2, 2015
  8. mochii

    mochii
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    Hey there, I consider myself a lesbian and find guys attractive and cute often, I just have zero interest in sexual or romantic intimacy with them like I do women. I too have been looking for a label and I'll probably just go with "gay," but you can use whatever feels most comfortable for you. Sometimes I like using queer because it encompasses everything but straight.
     
    #8 mochii, Jul 9, 2015
  9. Keahi

    Keahi
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    While I absolutely agree with everyone who's posted already that 'lesbian' sounds like a perfectly fine label for the feelings you've described, you also have options for coming out with choosing a label, if that's what you prefer. You could say, for example, 'I'm still working out the details of how I feel, but I know I'm not straight, and I wanted you to know too.' Or 'I'm not sure how I feel about boys, but I know I like girls.'

    Best of luck, whatever you choose!
     
    #9 Keahi, Jul 9, 2015
  10. Hachi

    Hachi
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    I like the ideas biAnnika put forth, but I also recognize that having a label is oftentimes important to feeling more secure in your own sexuality. It by no means dictates things, but putting a name to the feelings you have can be very helpful.

    You are free to call yourself whatever you please. Another important note is that many people who identify as gay or lesbian will have an "exception," or someone of the opposite sex who fit them regardless of the aforementioned sexual orientation.
     
    #10 Hachi, Jul 10, 2015
  11. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    You sound lesbian to me. But if you feel in future that you have a small attraction toward guys or so (as in sexual and/or romantic) there are other labels such as homoflexible if you want to be more specific.
     
    #11 Invidia, Jul 10, 2015
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