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Help. Long term straight relationship , but questioning

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Marketinggirl, Jul 2, 2015.

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  1. Marketinggirl

    Marketinggirl
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Quebec
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Hello!
    I'm actually excited to write this post because I'm finally coming to terms with talking about this!
    So first off, I've always beens attracted to men (im a girl). Even as a child I had no qualms about my petite notation.

    When I was in highschool, I was always cast as a man in school plays ( I went to an all girls school). When I was 17 girls started making fun of me, calling me a lesbian ( obviously not a negative thing, but they made it sound like it was: essentially I was being bullied)

    As a result I started to question my sexuality a lot! I began experimenting with my fantasies, but never acted on them. It caused me a lot of anxiety, I think because of the bullying .

    I met my wonderful boyfriend four years ago, and we have been happy since. We broke up once, (his idea) but got back together. During that time I had no desire to hook up with women, just men.
    Now I've been having fears and anxieties that I might be bisexual . Even though I've never had a crush on a girl before. The only thing I know is that I love girl or girl porn and strait porn only turns me on sometimes.
    Sex with my man is great, but when we fools around i get better orgasms when I fantasize about a woman..
    I love him so much and im so scared of losing him, of my sexuality just completely changing and of not being turned on by him anymore, bexcuse of these fantasies
    I have a lot of gay friends and I am totally happy for them, and not at all homophobic. I'm very open! I just don't feel right calling myself bisexual, mainly because it's only in recent years that I've been sexually attracted to women (never anyone in particular mind you) sometimes I'll look at girls and I'll ask myself "if she asked me out would I say yes?" And then I obsess over it, because I don't know the answer! I think it would be no, but I'm so confused that I can't even decipher my gut feelings anymore.
    All I know is that I love my boyfriend, but I'm not sure if I should talk to him about this?
    Can anyone relate?
     
    #1 Marketinggirl, Jul 2, 2015
  2. fern

    fern
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2015
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    Location:
    en route to LA
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    hmm - so far it sounds like it's just been a fantasy of sorts to think about women. can you actually see yourself going through with acting on it? If so - is it really just the fact that you have a boyfriend now that is holding you back?

    I would just start to become aware of your daily thoughts related to sexual and romantic attraction - for instance, for every 10 guys you find attractive, how many girls do you? when you watch a movie do you find yourself more checking out the hot girls or guys in the movie? the fact that you fantasize about women when you're sexually active with you man suggests a lot though...I'd want to say that you might be bisexual...just because it's just a recent discovery and you haven't acted on it yet doesn't mean it's not there.

    does your boyfriend have any idea that you have these thoughts? or do any of your friends?
     
    #2 fern, Jul 2, 2015
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