how did you know?

I know it sounds kinda cliché but for me I sort of just always knew. When I was younger I didn't take much notice to it (or the concept of sexuality in general) but as the years progressed my understanding of the word 'Homosexual' and it's appliance to me grew, ultimately ending in the acceptance of my sexuality; You don't really have to 'know' per say, you're born with it and it will always be a part of you.

 

I started questioning six months ago at the age of 18. A guy asked me out and I started feeling really nervous and uncomfortable at the idea of going out with him, and I realized that I got that feeling with every single guy that had asked me out in the past. I realized that I wasn't really into guys, I just liked the attention they would give me, and in the end I finally accepted the fact that I like girls. It wasn't an easy process though, and it took me a while to accept it.

 

I slowly realized it. It was a fairly long process to me but worth it. I'm not completely at the end of it yet but in a much clearer and better place than before.

How did I know? A big factor was this girl I really fell for; the feelings I had for her were stronger than any I had for any guy. I also began to feel attraction towards women. It took a long time for me to even start questioning, for a long time I just assumed I still liked guys but that I was open to maybe a few "exceptions" and that was that. I didn't even seriously think about it; only pushed this issue to one side. I had rejected about two or three guys by this point because I just didn't feel comfortable dating them; even this guy I thought I liked, and realized only after he told me he liked me that I didn't feel what I thought I felt for him. There was another guy I genuinely thought I liked too and I tried very hard to make it work- but once it reached a certain intensity I just couldn't do it anymore. It just didn't feel right, there was that lack of intensity and desire and everything.
Eventually I couldn't exactly deny or push anything down anymore, especially since I was beginning to feel attraction/desire towards women to a greater and greater extent, and as I let myself (finally) explore that it really freed me.
Any feelings I had towards guys were just nowhere compared to what I felt and what I desired with women. All my sexual fantasies before that involved guys lacked any genuine desire/attraction and were normally very far fetched, and often just weird and unrealistic. Once I let myself freely have fantasies about women it felt very different and it felt real and right, and I just never looked back. And it wasn't just about sexually who I desired and felt comfortable with either- it was also romantically, and a deeper more intrinsic feeling as well.

Now I know what I really want and it feels completely right for me, in a very whole way that just never really clicked with guys.

Best of luck questioning, it might take some time and effort but you have all our support if needed I believe in you! (*hug*)

 

I think it should be a mix of everything you should try with all kinds of people.. i think some people know. some others need more of a rational to it (like me) i think the questioning process always comes from a hunch in the heart.. and then whatever follows.. its definitely not an easy process, but it will come.. try not to take other peoples experience for your own since everyone has a different stories.. i feel like in ways i have shaped my thoughts through other peoples experience, but know that you are different than anyone.. even if just by name.

 

I always knew, it just took me way too long to acknowledge the fact.

 

I think I always knew. I mean I've liked girls ever since I was a child (the first person I remember I'd said I liked, like in kindergarten, was in fact, a girl) and then boys, trans people, inter and pretty much anything else there is.

I didn't actually cared (like EVER) at all, about gender. It was weird for me, though, feeling so open and being on a very closed-minded home.

I always felt a freak for it. But well..turns out I was/am happy as a freak and I didn't need to be ashamed for ANYTHING.

The moment I said this aloud, it was pretty clear to me that I had accepted my sexuality like a 150% then, I didn't just "know" but I also "embraced" my situation.

I think we all should at some point. Loving yourself is probably one of the toughest things in the world, but the results are very sweet.

 

For me, it was a long process to even acknowledge it, made up a series of little events and feelings. The most obvious though were when I actually tried to be involved with men and it just wasn't happening. I was definitely in denial until a year or two until college. When I began questioning, I noticed all these things from my childhood and teen years that were all super gay, and things started to make sense. But I've been questioning/coming to terms with it for a couple of years now, and I'm still not even fully sure of my sexuality so you're not alone

 

I've always knew there was something different about me but wasnt sure what it was and it didnt help that my family are a bunch of homophobes and hardcore catholics so no guidance for me.

Just explored it after meeting different kinds of people at work. *sigh* but atleast I'm okay now

 

I can really relate to Mackenziesr -- if you look at any of my other posts, it is fairly the same process. I always dated guys. Took a break when I realized I was unhappy in my relationships--it was a super long break, four years long--and then I fell for a girl in a way that I'd NEVER fallen for a guy, ever. Everything clicked: the emotions, the physical attraction, everything.

I always felt like I was bi, really deep down in my head and without much care because I'd experimented with a friend when I was young and kissed a few girls to be dumb (not that I felt sparks with them), but I felt like I didn't mind it, so I imagined I was bi. In a way that it wouldn't effect my life or be so serious, though. I still was going to marry a man and yaddah yaddah. And I might be, because I still find men physically attractive, but there's something that I don't want to deal with when it comes to them. Like, I don't know what it is -- I don't think it's daddy issues or anything, it's like I just don't have patience for some things. However, I feel that it might just be my mind saying that I don't care to care about things in a romantically intense way when it comes to men. Which just might be me not being as into men as I would like to think.

As I was taking a break from dating, my thoughts about men (though it was presented in a joking way most of the time) turned into this very sexist, self righteous, they're just for fucking, type of idea. I still find hot guys hot. And I'm not taking them off the table just yet, but after the trigger crush, and accepting that I could be into females, I've been finding myself more attracted to them--happy to think about being with them.

The feelings for the girl I fell for were so intense that they just can't be ignored, and I can't say or think that I'm straight. And it took a while, though not as long as some. It's been a little over a year. That entire year was full of questions, and I still question it now. Perhaps I will always sort of question it, who knows. I have come to a point that I allow myself to be calm about it in some form, and just be open to my future with it. I'm not out to everyone -- my mum and a few of my friends, but not even all of my friends, and no one else in my family. I feel like I don't want to say anything until I know for sure, or am dating a woman. It's hard when you're questioning, because it can look sucky to say you are/want to date a girl, and then realize that wasn't for you, and go back to dating men.

Also like others on here, once I was accepting of my -- now obvious -- attraction to women, little bits and pieces from my past come back as big red flags.

It's a tough process, and I'm sad that it has to be a process to tread so lightly on. If there's anything I've felt enormously while coming out, it's, why can't I just like whoever I want/why does it have to be such a big deal?

It might take time, but you will make it through. Just allow yourself to feel your emotions, and try not to over analyze them. Though I know that's easier said than done. Good luck

 

I started questioning last year when I left School. I realized that these feelings towards boys was only because I found them attractive and that was it - I wasn't really interested and the thought of being with a boy did make me uncomfortable. Before all this, I thought I was bisexual though and then I started college and started flirting with a girl and I really liked it and it made me feel special and I found her really attractive and wanted to be with her so bad. So that's when I knew I liked girls more than just friends. It's taken me ages to accept this though - it's only recently I've accepted it and with the help on this site.

 

There was no questioning for me, I just knew I was attracted to guys and girls and never stopped to really think about it until I developed a huge, huge crush on a girl and had dreams about her every night for a week straight.
Then I was like, Oh, okay, bi then. Cool.

 

It took me 5 years to know for sure. Don't rush things, you will find out eventually.

 

Going forwards looking back, I wish I just instantly, within a moment, accepted who I was and fully took on that new identity. People get caught up in an illusion of who they are, a identity that was years in the making. A sexual change in ones identity, is large enough to pretty much equate to being an entirely different person for most, a new identity is what I am saying. I think that is where a lot of the trouble arises with accepting ones self. It is a happier route, but also a difficult one, the change. But that also comes with enforcing that image of yourself, being gay, or bi, or whatever. It is easy, or it was for me, to fall victim into viewing myself and acting strictly straight, more manly than I was in the public eye. That just isn't comfortable living. Now I just don't.