How do you *know* if you're a lesbian?

Hello first of all this is the right place for you to be at... it seems like you were surpressing your liking women by dating a guy. (except for when you were young). I dont think its on our power tho to know what your label is. we cant say it for you. All we can say is that we understand what you are going through. For me... with my ex.. it felt wrong. it felt like something was missing and i just didnt know what it was. Im still wondering. I have never even experienced with a woman. Like you questioning is very plaguing.. i feel it too and i cant share it with anyone. i know this may be hard but my advice for you would be to really give it some time, so that you can process it with a little bit more of a clear mind.

if you have an openminded bf, talk to him about this and see what he says.. dont feel the need to stay with him. You have my support, to go and discover yourself.... i like you also think If I If I am a lesbian it will make my life really suck for a while, and the chances of me finding a woman are really slim. I don't know. but like me .. you DESERVE it and you owe it to yourself if not.. you are just gonna be stuck in your mind.. living in that horrible dark place.

 

Deep breaths . You're only 19, so you have plenty of time to figure things out. Honestly, what you've said does raise a couple of red flags: that you 'tolerate' sleeping with your boyfriend... I take that to mean it's not actually enjoyable for you? What about the bits leading up to that? Do you enjoy kissing him etc?

It's worth exploring your feelings on this and being honest with yourself.. if you feel like you would really regret never dating a girl, then you should date one at some point. More importantly, don't let your fear of what might or might not happen be the controlling factor here. Just allow yourself to feel your attractions openly and see where that takes you.

 

This sounds a lot like me... Sigh. I'm going through this currently. Sex is okay, I never *want* to do it but I do initiate it because I care about him and he's not the type to initiate anyway. And it's not that I don't like it, it feels good because it hits the g-spot so it works...but I'm never horny for him, if you get what I mean.
What I've seen is that you can rule out being straight if you do have sexual thoughts towards your same gender. Personally I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet and I believe it'll come one day.
I basically posted to let you know that you're not alone and to send you lots of love big hugs and good luck

 

Yeah.. i liked sex with my ex.. but idk if it was just the sex that i liked or particularly sex with him.. but i did enjoy giving bjs and getting them too..

---------- Post added 5th Jul 2015 at 02:08 PM ----------

ITS SO OVEERWHELMING AND SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT, but just think of it this way...you have an amazing life ahead of you.. regardless of anything just make sure u enjoy it

 

So, the closing your eyes and fantasizing about something else is something I can relate to. I used to do that. I found that as time passed, I became more and more distant about the kissing/cuddling/sweet gestures interactions as well.

As for the coming out part, that should be at your own pace, as and when you're ready. I think it's important to focus on making yourself comfortable with being attracted to women first, pay attention to what that little voice in your head is saying. And if it's saying stupid shit like: "you could never be in a relationship with such an attractive girl, so just forget about it" then kick it to the curb. That's nonsense. (*hug*)

 

The way you talk about being with your bf is similar to how I felt with my ex. I really loved him, I cared about him a lot, but when it came to the physical aspects of the relationship I sort of just wanted to get it over with. Sometimes it was ok, or even a little nice, but I also felt anxious or just bored a good portion of the time. How is your relationship with your bf outside of the bedroom arena?

I still find my feelings towards men a little confusing, because I can obviously fall for them emotionally, and sometimes I find them attractive, but I don't really have an interest in being physical with them the way I do women. For now I consider myself gay or "mostly gay" but I try to stay open to the possibility that a guy could come along at some point, even if my focus is mainly on women.

You don't need to label yourself yet, it seems like you're still trying to figure out your feelings and get comfortable with them. It's a scary process, for sure, but you'll get through it. How do you think your bf would react if you told him you were questioning your sexuality? Would being open with him about this be a possibility for you? If so, maybe being able to share that will help take that pressure of "lying" off a bit, so you can approach things in a more clearheaded manner. If not, well, EC is here and there are so many people here who can help you through this, too.

 

this is exactly how i feel! i have no idea what anything is or means and its hard to even realize how i feel..:/ its nice to know that there are others who can relate

 

hi Hachi
I totally agree with benefit25. I am the same boat so I don't know what would be my advice because I am clueless like you. But you do have my support

 

Hi Hachi,

reading your topic, made my heart jump.. this is exactly what I've been through.. I had a relationship for 2 years with a guy and well we had sex but I didn't like it one bit.. it didnt turn me on at all, only when he used his fingers inside me and around my core.. I must admit I sometimes imagined it was a girl doing these things to me and not him... I remember when I looked at him, or now, any men I don't think men are attractive at all (sorry guys xD) I prefer a beautiful woman with curves and emotional, sensual moods like me xD

so I can relate to how u feel, take your time to find out, I'm 25 now and I'm sure im gay but im still trying to figure out hw to out this