I posted in here nearly a month ago about my orientation and how I'm confused. I realise that a month is hardly enough time to figure things out, but it's eating away at me, so I'm going to ask for help again. Firstly, sexual attraction. To me this is thinking someone is sexually attractive to the point where you would have sex with them, but you don't actually want it (please correct me if I'm wrong). But, see, while I think about sex with males, I don't exactly desire it, and if I were to be the female half, hetero intercourse kind of repulses me. Especially if I don't know the guy enough to have some sort of emotional bond with him. However, I also think about sex with females, but the same principle remains - I don't desire it. The exception to this is that if I can pretend that I have an emotional bond with the female, I can get myself to desire it. Like, it's almost easy to pretend that I have an emotional bond with the female, and it's nigh-on impossible with the male (it happens, but only occasionally), so it's much easier to desire sex with the female. However, I don't really think about or desire sex with any of the females I know well, and I have no idea as to whether that's because they've all identified as hetero or because I've always seen them as "just friends." So is that desire part something like a cross between bisexual and demisexual? Or does it somehow contradict the sexual attraction bit? I'm just totally puzzled by the whole thing. I mean, basically, I think about and desire kissing both males and females. I think about and desire sex with both males and females, but only if I know them well enough. But it's easier to desire lesbian intercourse than it is to desire hetero intercourse. And I think overall that I would likely rather get intimate with the female, for reasons unknown to me right now. Is the closest label something along the lines of demi-bisexual with a lesbian preference? Or am I just mixing terms up? Help would be much appreciated
Hi ChaoticMind, The short answer is that you can call yourself anything you want to as long as it has meaning for you. I'm 36. In my whole life, there have only been two people I've really wanted in bed. One is my husband and one is my best friend since 6th grade. I don't consider myself demisexual (although feel free to yourself) because I actually have a high sex drive given the right circumstances and because to me, I find it hard enough to deal with one label and I prefer ones that most people understand. It's also not that important to me because as a married mom who isn't interested in leaving, I'm not really out to most people. (I mean, everyone knows I'm married, what's the point in outing myself if it doesn't change anything unless it's a really close friend or something - my fantasy sex life is kind of my business at this point.)
