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Anyone read this book by Joe Kort?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SteveMahanahan, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. SteveMahanahan

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    I recently came across an article written by Joe Kort, which is discussing one of his books. Here is the link.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...e/201412/is-your-man-gay-straight-or-bisexual

    I'm hoping to find the time to read it soon, even though it seems to be written for spouses of men who have sex with men.

    Anyways, I was very surprised to read some of the points he wrote in his article, specifically about certain factors that drive men to having sex with men, yet they aren't actually gay.
    I have been questioning, and when I read some of these motivations, I was quite shocked because I feel like I meet all of the criteria he presented. For example, I'd say I had "Father Hunger", I've tried to find a female hook up and when I couldn't, found a guy, I never had youthful same sex attractions, the cuckolding thing, etc. Basically all those things describe me.

    Is this guy credible? Any input on these ideas from anyone who has maybe experienced motivations like this and went on to find an identity? I hadn't really thought of some of these things before, but I must admit, this article has kind of thrown me for a loop.
     
  2. Chip

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    I have enormous respect for Joe Kort.

    That said, I don't agree with everything he says. Joe is a clinician, not a researcher, and so we have to view what he says through the lens he's using. While his clinical experience may support what he says in his latest book, I'm not convinced that it's a broad enough sample to generalize, and further, I think it can be near impossible to separate out denial and rationalization from authentic feelings sometimes.

    The problem with the article is that everything he's describing for "straight men who have gay sex" can also apply to gay men... there are plenty of gay men who have father hunger, who are sex starved, and plenty who never had any idea they were gay until their late 20s or even later. So he's really doing a disservice to gay men who are in denial by implying that if you have these things, you aren't gay.

    The truth is, you could be straight and have all of the above... but it's pretty unlikely. Remember that Kort's data is based solely on his clinical experience, and that means... the people who come to him for treatment. Which also means he isn't working with a representative sample, as many men never go for therapy at all.

    What I do think is useful in the article is the benchmark test (the beach scenario). I also very commonly suggest the masturbation fantasy test: When you masturbate, without porn, don't think of anything specific and see where your mind's eye takes you, and whether, when you're not thinking about it, your mind wanders to men or to women. Then, try masturbating thinking *only* about men... and then, *only* about women. Usually that combination of experiences gives a pretty good indication of where your actual orientation lies.

    So in short... I think Kort's latest book can actually confuse some people people more than it helps. He's got some good points, but I don't think you should consider it definitive.
     
  3. wisefolly

    wisefolly Guest

    I didn't read the article, and probably won't given the kinds of arguments the guy seems to be making. But just for some historical contrast: autism used to be blamed on the mother for being cold and distant (the "refrigerator mother theory"). I always get suspicious when things are blamed on seemingly Freudian concepts like Oedipal whatevers because, well, it seems like easy scapegoats when lots of other factors might come into play. To me sexuality can't be so easily explained checklist style. People get horny, have certain inclinations, act them out. To say it happens because Mom or Dad did or didn't do something seems extremely reductive to the natural complexity of human sexuality. Causes of heterosexuality aren't investigated in this manner, so why is it that anything that isn't heterosexuality has to have some originating factors?